Sorry about the job. I had to go see about a girl #30DayChallenge -Day 5: Your Favorite Drama Movie

"...You don't know about real loss, 'cause that only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much..."
                                             -Robin Williams as Sean Maguire (Good Will Hunting, 1997)

I like a lot of things. I'm fairly indecisive too, so I always cringe a bit when someone asks me, "What's your favorite (insert whatever thing here)?"

For the longest time, I never knew that my favorite drama film was. Then Robin Williams killed himself earlier this year. As the over opinionated masses poured over their keyboards about how this complete stranger affected their lives, I also took a trip back down into some of his works, a couple episodes of Mork & Mindy, the films Aladdin (of course), World's Greatest Dad, Mrs. Doubtfire, The Birdcage, Dead Poets Society, Hook (probably my favorite RW film), and a little independent film from 1997 called Good Will Hunting. It was that night two days after Williams' suicide, I sat in bed watching this film I had not seen in years, that I discovered my favorite drama.

You Will Fail Here. #30DayMovieChallenge- Day 3: Your Favorite Adventure Movie

"You lost today, kid. ...but that doesn't mean you have to like it." - Fedora Guy

I didn't have the best relationship with my father as a kid. I still don't.
Apparently neither did Henry Jones Jr., better known as Indiana Jones. In the third installment of the franchise, Indy (Harrison Ford) returns to search for his father, (Sean Connery) who has been abducted by the Nazi party in order to find the Holy Grail. While on the surface, this film is about both Jones finding the artifact- in reality it's about Indiana discovering himself and developing a rapport with his dad.

Nothing to Live For #30DayMovieChallenge- Day 2: The Last Movie You Watched

I met Brian in the lunch line.
It was 1999. He asked me if I wanted my pudding. I'm a bit particular about my food flavors, and tapioca isn't on the 'yes' list.

Fast friends, as often troubled folk are attracted to one another. Brian was the namesake of an elder brother that was killed 17 years prior, Somehow he never stepped out of the shadow of his ghost brother he never met.

He was the first person to say "I don't give a fuck" in front of me; and still to this day is the only person I believed. 

I hadn't thought of Brian for years. Until I saw John Wick. Keanu Reeves returned to the action genre as Wick, aka The Boogeyman, a legendary mob assassin. John retired from his violent life, and settled with a woman who soon after died from an unrevealed illness. John falls into a great depression, and it isn't until he receives a gift, a puppy, from his lover posthumously that life starts to look up. As fate would have it though, the dog is senseless ly murdered by some foolish thieves with ties to his old life. 

I started thinking about Brian because he would often talk about his life, and how he didn't want to be here anymore. By here, he meant Earth. I thought about ambition, and happiness, and that spark we all have that gives us purpose, gives us that hunger for more. 

Brian's purpose was basketball. He loved that game. Obviously more than he loved himself, because after a car accident took the athleticism out of his leg, he killed himself. 

As I was watching John Wick, and its intentional blue hues, and violently delicious choreography, I thought about what happens when that spark we all have is snatched away by circumstances beyond your control. I remember the girls I  hung with adored Brian when he was the school star.  I wasn't exactly a friend of Brian, but I remember talking to him in that cafeteria about how disgusting tapioca is, and days later, he wouldn't be here anymore. 

I wonder...  What my spark is. 

"And from that day forward, Frog-Child and Snake-Child never played together again. By they often sat alone in the sun, thinking about their one day of friendship. "

-African Folk Tale, The Children's Book of Virtue 
Movie: John Wick (2014)
Director: Chad Stahelski
Genre: Action, Shoot 'Em Up
Starring: Keanu Reeves, Willem Dafoe, Alfie Allen
Netflix: Not Yet

It's Not WHO You Love, It's HOW #30DayMovieChallenge- Day 1: Your Favorite Movie

It's been an entire year since the last time I spoke to The Constant.

(Though it must be said, if I removed her from my life, then she really wouldn't be The Constant, would she?)

Last week I was thinking about how far I've come... romantically. 10 years ago, when I was dealing with The Constant, I couldn't bring myself to tell a girl that I loved her, or even give a decent hug. I was a deviant, the pilot of a reckless life. Now, I'm climbing out of a year long relationship with a woman that I considered giving my last name.

I can't help but think... a lot of that evolution started when I became comfortable with who I am. I am the King of Urban Legend. If any woman is ever going to love me, and be with me she's going to have to deal with everything that I've done in the past, because those experiences led me to who I am today.

Which gets me thinking about my favorite movie, because it captured that very life lesson.

In 1997, Chasing Amy hit the world and the brain of young Tescadero, and I instantly fell for it's crude, yet charming way of telling a tale of friendship, society, and the 'expected behaviors' of people dabbling in sex, and romance.

In short, the film is about comic book artists/writers particularly a pair of friends, Holden (Ben Affleck) and Banky. (Jason Lee) It's at a comic convention that Holden meets Alyssa Jones, (Joey Lauren Adams) another comic writer. During a dart game at a nearby bar, Holden and Alyssa discover they are of like minds, and it's obvious Holden has a huge crush on Alyssa, which he feels is mutual, until he learns haphazardly that Alyssa is a lesbian. Holden tries to stow his feelings, but Alyssa caves and reciprocates. This pisses off Banky, and all is well until Holden hears a nasty rumor about Alyssa, that may or may not be true. Emotional anarchy ensues that strengthens, yet at the same time poetically threatens the common ideas of love, friendship, and happiness.

Since the first time I saw this film, it spoke to me.
I related to the wild Alyssa Jones. I understood her plight, the desire to be who you are, without judgement from people who think their life plans, or what they feel is 'normal', should be applied to you. I remember a time in my life when I answered every single stress, or bad feeling in pools of whisky and the embraces of random women of all genres. Maybe I knew their names, maybe I didn't. I remember She asked me, how many women I had been with, and because I thought I loved her (maybe I did) I told her, because I wanted her to know me. I remember hearing the disgust in her voice when I couldn't come up with an answer.

And... for the longest time after that moment, I thought I was the freak. The disgrace.
I allowed someone else to make me feel ashamed of myself. I allowed someone else to make me want to 'better' myself.' Because that's what you do when you are emotionally invested in someone else. You tend to put their  desires above your own. Even if those desires aim to jeopardize the very actions that make you who YOU are.

I was Alyssa Jones.
I'm emotionally handicapped to this day, but now I'm wiser and refuse to allow someone else to dictate my ideas on love, or relationships because they feel that I'm flawed, or not normal.
I changed myself to please somebody who A) didn't appreciate my efforts, and B) isn't interesting to me anymore. I allowed someone else's insecurities to consume me and regret the things I had done to discover myself. Silly me, silly me.

I'm at that age where all my friends are getting married, or having kids... And I'm crushing on people is like to think only as friends and is just a clusterfuck of everything. 

But that's the funny thing about love, everybody has their ideas of how it works- and we're all wrong. It's not who you love. There's no good guy, or bad woman. It's how you love. Sadly, some will never understand that. Since giving up on The Constant, I've been involved with The Variable and The Substitute, and many others in pursuit of The Candidate. I've allowed many people to love me, and I've displayed some feelings as well. Each experience has brought something different out of me, and I'm pretty sure I've done the same for them...
but ...well. You know.

Hell, maybe you aren't in my shoes, or Alyssa's maybe you're on the other side of the equation. The point is, STOP letting dumb shit prevent you from being happy. And maybe step out on that limb and tell that friend,  or that girl that works at the coffee house that you like her. You never know. I'm just rambling at this point. 

Aight, peace

Movie: Chasing Amy (1997)
Director: Kevin Smith
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance
Starring: Ben Affleck, Joey Lauren Adams, Jason Lee
Netflix Streaming: Yes

30 Days/30 Songs. Day 23: A Song that You Want to Play at Your Wedding

Dearly Beloved - Yoko Shimomura

People shit on video game music.
People use words when they don't really need them. Music is the GREATEST example of this travesty. (Especially rap music)

Ok. I'm digressing...
Back in 2002, a video game was released. It was called Kingdom Hearts. The game was a product of the Square-Enix monster. (More on that later... as in, tomorrow) When it came to the soundtrack, Square turned to Japanese composer, Yoko Shimomura., who already had a couple impressive game soundtracks under HER belt, including the legendary Street Fighter II
When you begin the game, at the opening menu, a touching piano piece plays which in a way foreshadows the loving, yet sad tale that is about to unfold. This was how I first heard 'Dearly Beloved' which is arguably the best song on the whole damn game, even though it was light-hearted and a little (and I mean just a little) empty. As pleasant as the song was, it wasn't until 2005 that she tweaked it for Kingdom Hearts 2 and I immediately fell in love with the piece.

In the second version of the song, it has grown up. She added an orchestra, and the richness, the quality of the song just... enhances. It suddenly feels as though the meaning behind the work truly shines as the sounds of waves slide across sandy shores, dancing along the cello, and that piano. Truly amazing... and in my opinion one of the prettiest love songs I've ever heard. Apparently I'm not alone in that line of thought, think I'm lying? Go YouTube the song right now.

I've sat in on discussions before where people talk about the 'perfect song' to play at a wedding. It's always an argument about the mood isn't appropriate for Song X or Song B doesn't say the right thing. I've always thought to myself that's because sometimes the best thing in a situation is just understanding. Don't try to talk it out or be poetic. Let the music speak for itself. That's why this is my song for my particular occasion. No words are needed. None should be said. Everything you need to know lies within the title, and the music itself.

Give it a listen. Lie to me and say you disagree. (...and don't steal my idea.)

30 Days/30 Songs. Day 21: A Song That You Listen to When You’re Happy

Everybody Wants to Rule the World
- Tears For Fears.

Oddly enough, this is not a happy song. In 1985, British group, Tears For Fears released this song, which speaks of the darker nature that most of us harbor.

Y'know...
That part of us that wants to make it to the top, or some how control the environment that we live in. That awful desire that shows no prejudice, from the poorest with few belongings to the rich and all the power that their money gives them. It seems that we all want power and want to get ahead. From running to get ahead of the next guy in a food line, to a country making "strategic" decisions in order to take advantage of a lesser neighbor country. If given the chance, we would all want to rule the world. This song is is all about that darker part of humanity, the wanting of power- the warfare and misery it causes. The part that is always trying to getting ahead of your fellow man.

But damned if musically it doesn't sound like a campy, magical, synthpop audible odyssey. This catchy tune has always been my goofy, happy song. (Wait, is it because I'm happy when I think of obtaining power?) From the trip home back from war, to getting promoted, to receiving my first financial bonus. How can you not listen to this in any other mood than happiness?

How can you not listen to this song, and not sing along with that pleading, "Say that you'll never, never, never, never need it"??

Ya'll trippin'
Tears For Fears killed this one. Despite it's dark message- this is a happy ass song. The song to go to when I'm in a 'smiling' sort of mood. It always has been, and I think it always will be.