Before I get into this story, I have to state that yesterday was my friend Sarah's birthday. At her party- there was drinking, dancing, drunk tweetin, cake eating, and someone brought a pack of those temporary wet-on tattoos. So we're all pretty hammered and somewhere in the mix, either I or someone else decides to give me a tramp stamp.
I get one of roses, stems and a heart in the middle and a little fairy on the end.
Lately, my friends have been trying to hook me up with a girl. I'm beginning to think any girl will do... I think they're just tired of seeing me grow colder as the days go past. I'm not making this up my friend Jamie actually said, "I can't wait until you find a girlfriend so that you can become the you were when [enter The Constant's name here] was around" Which I don't really understand but whatever. So I'm hanging out with this girl, fighting the fiercest hangover from Sarah's party. This was my third time out with the girl, I wasn't in particular finding any signs that this relationship would prosper- especially on this particular date where we just kicked it back at her apartment watching a movie along with the surprisingly great dinner she cooked. We were making casual conversation when the topic of past boyfriends popped up.
Now she's a pretty trendy girl, I knew this from date two when she decided that I was over due a whole day spent at the mall revamping my attire. I argued I'm not trendy, and I actually enjoy my individuality. She's used to the skinny jeans guys, the 365 scarf guys, the earring guys, all the things that guys are doing nowadays that would've gotten me an all expense paid ass kicking from my father.
So anyway, after hearing a buncha stories about her exes, which included such acts as spending the night over his male friend's house while all three slept in the same bed... and one of her ex-boyfriend's once took her shopping and gives her excellent makeup advice since they both were interested in modeling. It just seemed with each story her taste seemed more and more... metrosexu- fuck that, gay.
I even commented using that term- in that exact sense. It's a frequent colloquiallism to do that, not that I am a gay basher, I actually enjoy the company of a couple of my gay friends...(while the others, I wish would lose my number) I just wouldn't protest with them. It's their war, not mine. [Here comes the hate mail.] She decides to give me the third degree about my choice of words, and how I'm an ignorant right wing minded person. I did not defend these terms- due to I feel I shouldn't explain accusations that aren't true. Now these exes probably aren't homosexual.. not even questioning that. It's just those actions are kinda feminine. End of story.
So the conversation ends, and we're eating...I'm commenting on her great Mc and Cheese. She enjoys the praise... and then we're half an hour into "Zack and Miri Make A Porno" when we're making out.
Then. I'm taking my shirt off. Then. She sees my temp tattoo.
She stops...pushes away, and then asks me with a slightly disgusted face...
"Eww. Are you gay?"
"No."
"Hmm. Well... I'm kinda uncomfortable...so let's just watch the movie"
I can't win for losing.
"Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed." -Mark Twain
During a recent Twitter conversation I had, I was reminded of an event that occurred two years ago that lead to my current opinion of sororities. Come with me down memory lane.
I was working the bar at Union Station in D.C., and anyone who knows D.C. and works in hospitality in union Station knows our dreadful seasons, Summertime. Abortion Protest. and the Annual AKA convention. (Why do the AKA's standout, you ask? Well, because they are the most festive, infamous and notorious... or whatever adjectives you want to throw in there...the most likely reason though is that they do enjoy their dinner parties.)
So a party of 15, young, fresh of the initiation block, AKA's come strolling in the door in their salmon pink, mint green and aura'ed highs and physical lows. They speak well, they sit well, they know their salad fork.They are SO civilized... TO EACH OTHER. To their server however, all except 4 of them are extremely rude and demanding. I have been working here for a while. I was used to this behavior. They are so rude, that I decided to step in, an ensure everything went smoothly- because the server was new... and I didn't want this one bad experience jade her forever.
Silly requests like, hot ketchup... and crushed ice, a pack of napkins, diced tomatoes... three extra baskets of bread, the works.
Luckily everything went smoothly... and they were served and pleased. If they had issues they kept it within themselves at the table... and then their bill came... all $276.89 of it. I decided to tell the girl not to add the 18% gratuity..we usually add to a party that large. On the argument, that these were classy broads that are all about the image they project. "They would be appreciative of all you did for them." I argued. They left an astonishing $290.00 (which we had to figure out, after the bill was split 16 ways. ... and one of them left their purse.
It took about 7 minutes, but Jiminy Cricket finally kicked in. And there I was was running down the terminal of the Amtrak frantically looking for the young airhead that left her purse behind. Like a light at the end of the tunnel, there they were at the taxi stand... laughing, joking, in their own world. As they huddle in groups and begin cramming into cabs I call out to them the only way I can.
"Hey girl, ma'am- HEY!" I'm screaming this as I finally reach one of the girls and grab her shoulder from behind.
SHE GOES THE FUCK OFF.
She begins sassing me about how she has a name, and don't put my hands on her, and she got a boyfriend and she wasn't interested in me because I wasn't her type... all to the acoustic soundtrack of her friends laughing in the background. So...as I catch my breath, I decide... to just... drop the purse on the ground and walk away. I re-enter Union Station... leaving behind the "oohhhs" and empty thank yous.
And I say all that to say, yeah I was mad. But I didn't let that experience ruin my perspective about the AKAs...well actually it did, but my neighbor's apart of the AKA's and she's kick ass. There are also four other women I know that are the pillar of that community...
So I guess the point is, don't let one bad apple ruin the bunch. That goes for people that are always saying things like black people don't tip, all men are dogs, all white folks smell like wet dog when they're wet, or all gay people like pink. Well...wait all gay people do like pink. Some doesn't equal all in this life ladies and gentlemen, that's a fact. If you truly believe that it does, then you are just as ignorant as the folk you're downing. And that's bad.
I'm just playing. All gays don't like pink. ...but they do come from France.
"He was so learned that he could name a horse in nine languages; so ignorant that he bought a cow to ride on." -Benjamin Franklin
If you've been following my blogs, (on MySpace, and now www.tescaderospeaks.com) then you should know all about my rules- the guidebook I like to call it.
And you should also know about why I made it.
My adult life has been full of ups and downs. But one thing that seems repetitive in my checkered past is girl trouble.
See- one of the things about being me is, I'm pro the old days where guys drank the liquor straight up, were head of their household, read the sports section at the dinner table, fixed cars on the weekends, grilled in the backyard on hot days, knew the sound of hot rod engine,burped, scratched, and pounded a couple with the fellas after work at the local bar.
As someone who refuses to settle, or fall into the pitfalls of society that most people have fallen into, (i.e. have a baby before I can take care of one, do what I have to do to put food on the table instead what I dream to live in joy, and ignore individuality) I sometimes appear to be the rebel that some women crave, but don't want to KEEP. You know, the maintenance man. He goes by many titles. The milkman, Dick in a Glass, The Other Guy, Mr. Fix-It, The Go-To [Julie], The Buddy. This is extremely dangerous when the women belong to the guy I hang with. It's all about the crave. I'm not a rebel at all... it's just in THIS day and age- the quality things that I believe in seem alien- and I strongly believe it's curiosity that makes someone else's significant other attracted to me. I represent everything they don't have currently.
And I take full advantage of it. Well I did. Then I wrote the rulebook.
But the rulebook had a side effect. It made me more cold and self-serving than I actually am. I also missed a lot of opportunities with some good [in theory] women. Now, the funny thing is- I've definitely played the 'good' card several times and told the boyfriend, but it never went the way I would want it. (That's another conversation)
Here I am, a time later and faced with the decision of tossing said rulebook because there is a 'good' girl out there that just happens to be the ex or something to a friend of mine... and I know that there's that natural curiosity from her side of the playing field. The question is, is it right? But regardless, if it is- I will have my enemies and people that look down on my decision. Because the rulebook clearly tells me that shouldn't screw my boy like this, (even though they're not together) however what if her and I are more compatible? And, if that's so, why should it matter if it's right or wrong?
Everyone always talks about, "Oh you shouldn't care about what people think" and they're kinda right. You shouldn't. But that shouldn't dictate your human interaction either. Because eventually you have to give a damn about what people think. Unless you have no goals, or you were born into wealth. You definitely can't afford to have everyone hate you. So plan all your decisions accordingly.
I'm going to keep my hands to myself btw.
"They say such nice things at funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days." -Garrison Keillor
So... is anyone else a bit put off about this Alicia Keys and Swizz Beats thing? Don't get me wrong I respect both of the contributions to the music industry, it's just this union has definitely raised my eyebrow. I mean, I'm trying not to sound like a hater, but this just seems...odd; especially since dude is married.
When you think of Alicia Keys, you think of this elegant, and morally 'right' person. Maybe it's because of the nature of her music, her raw talent, and her philanthropy. Maybe it's me, but you'd never expect her to be 'the other woman' but... as you can see, in this world- expect the unexpected.
And this is funny... because in reality- you can attach a lot of proverbs to this situation. 'You can't judge a book by it's cover", "Opposites Attract", but probably "Everything Is Not What It Seems" fits best. (this is where the conversation strays from the picture) Always try to stay on your toes.
'Why?' You say? Well, because everything is not what it seems. Just when YOU THINK you got the situation locked, then bam! You circled the block 4 times! And when you decide to pay that parking garage fee, that's when the space in front of your brownstone opens up. It's apart of the daily chaos that is this life. And in order to maintain a good bearing in the storm that is life, you gotta keep your mind open. One of the worst things you can do as a person is fall victim to routine. Because your brain loses it's imagination- it's ability to cover all the bases- anticipate the foul balls, the unexpected possibilities. So try something new every day. And don't be afraid of change, or taking that right turn when everything says go left. Consider random possibilities! Play random scenarios out in your head, and anticipate Murphy's Law. (Believe it or not, I'm not trying to turn you into a pessimist.)
Besides. She looks way better with Common.
"Life is very short, and very uncertain; let us spend it as well as we can." -Samuel Johnson
"My dreams were all my own, I accounted to them to nobody; they were my refuge when annoyed- my dearest pleasure when free." -Mary Shelley; 'Frankenstein' or 'The Modern Prometheus'
I get one of roses, stems and a heart in the middle and a little fairy on the end.
