A good friend invited me to a conversation over who was the better cheater. Men or Women. Now, usually I avoid conversations like these- where I have to decide who's better a gender. The world is more complicated, and versatile than one or the other when it comes to human characteristics. If I do participate, I usually play the devils' advocate to make people realize the weakness of the argument. Today, however... I'm feeling randy, and I think I should rape this one wide open.Here goes:
Most people like to assume that women are better cheaters due to the way society works and the attention of most mainstream media. "Men are dogs" is indirectly saying that men cheat, and since it's a well known phrase, It's more marketable to say a man's a dog, than to say a woman is a slut. Men have always been card carrying members of the "stick it anything" club.
Not saying that all of us act on the club benefits... because a lot of us don't. That's just the stereotype we're born into. Just like folk say that women have a born desire to be in a relationship and married off to some guy. They'll go crazy if they aren't with someone now, or have been with someone. They're born and bred to be taken off the market by someone. Yeah, okay. Totally situational, guys.However, these sayings work, and I don't think men (as a gender) really give a damn what society thinks of them. You don't see men throwing a hissy fit because someone called him a "bitch"
The cause for cheating though is a little conundrum in itself. Now, allow me to blatantly say, unless you used your brain and deduced that every thing I'm saying is purely opinion,
"What I'm saying is purely opinion"
Also, let's just get it out there- that there's never an okay time to cheat. If she/he is that bad, LEAVE. Simply put. Do not try to justify the shit. And don't give me that "what about swingers?" nonsense... Swingers, unlike people in 'normal' relationships don't have a commitment to each other; their commitment is to sex. Swingers- you can be in denial all you want. By definition of the word 'commitment' you can't swing. That's oxymoronic. Just like you can't justify cheating. By definition, 'cheating' is something you ain't supposed to be doing.
The reason men cheat are threefold.
- LUST: That fine ass girl in the club is winking at you... she's whispering in your ear. She's saying all the right things. She'll suck your dick. She'll let you put it in all the places your boys at the barber shop are putting it at. She can wind it in ways that make wifey back home dizzy. And she don't wanna be with you... she only wants tonight...damn... you just need something... different. JUST. THIS. ONCE.
- REGRET/PARANOIA: You're with Lisa for eight years... but she doesn't like football. YOU LOVE football. Of course you should have stressed how important that was to you- but she met all the other criteria, so who cares? Then you meet Ashley. Ashley LOVES football. Ashley doesn't run off at the mouth so much. Ashley hangs out with the fellas and can pound Guinessess better than "Craig and 'em". Man...maybe SHE'S the one you're supposed to be with. Why'd you have to meet her after Lisa?!! And the rare, but totally possible... I fucked up with her... she's never coming back, I'm such a loser... whose shoulder can I cry on? Oh. The 'friend' who always understands... (wait... that's not really cheating. You may be on 'a break'. haha "FRIENDS" humor)
- EGO: This one's tricky. This is the one that most people assume is going on when they catch a man cheating. This is the one that is the blame for most frat guys, old men, high school kids, ANY man who gave non-verbal signs that he was NOT ready for a relationship, despite what his MOUTH said, and you (the woman) plunged into one anyway.These guys are only looking for notches on the belt, so you weren't really 'in' a relationship with him anyway. Face it, sister. YOU WEREN'T.
Women on the other hand are a tad different. Cheating, like everything else they do is careful. Nurtured... emotionally attached. I've found through my life it goes like so...
- VENGEANCE/INADEQUACY: Well, Tony he cheated on me so I cheated on him. Or I know he's out there doing this, that and the third so... All he does is sit around on his ass, playing Playstation. When I left the house he was playing Playstation... when I got back he was playing Playstation. WTF? Oh. Tony... I realized this morning, I need a man that makes MORE than I do. He ain't doin' it for me anymore.
- NEGLECT: He didn't pay me any attention. I have needs. He's never home. I fall asleep on him too much.
- BAGGAGE: Well, my dad cheated on my moms... or my Mother instilled in me that I was nothing but a floozy, or my last husband cheated, and since all men are dogs, I'ma be a dog too. And so forth and so forth.
So with that being said, it stands to reason that women are more careful than men when it comes to cheating because MEN, don't care for relationships the way women do. MEN, stereotypically equate all women the same with the exception of well, "The Exception" (even I follow this. [See earlier posting: The Constant]) Equate meaning, yes I would like to marry her. But if it goes down the shitter, oh well...they're like buses- another will be along in a couple minutes. Which in a weird way is sorta true given the female to male ratio of the world. Women care for their relationships 
and grow them like flowers because they've been waiting and desiring to be loved, and to love, so when they are willingly and purposely fucking up this sought after position... they take the necessary steps to prevent being CAUGHT. Men try not to be caught as well, but probably more from a "I don't want to be a dirtbag" position.Regardless of how you look at it, the common reason and conclusion is this.
Cheaters really don't care for the relationship they are in. If they say they do, then they're lying to more than just you and the other person. Denial isn't just a river.
But you know, it's like I said. strictly opinion... and mild observation.
I could be wrong.
By the way, the ONE. And I mean ONE time I cheated... it was totally because of LUST. And it was a very similar situation to the one I described... so see? I'm all about the shite I preach. lol.
"I'd be crazy, to let my man go and let some other Jane Doe come and try to steal him, Oh no!" -Alicia Keys, 'Jane Doe' (Songs In A Minor)
P.S. My quote for this blog is kinda hypocritical... given that she was kinda the Jane Doe in the whole Swizz/Mashonda thing, right?
Tescadero adds... (18 NOV 2010)
Another popular reason MEN cheat that actually is the only forgivable one on the list. A lot of you will say 'Fear of Commitment' but really- that doesn't count because if they fear commitment they wouldn't have made one to you- and you can't 'cheat' if there's no commitment.
- INNER TURMOIL: Sometimes you'll find guys that have no other way to deal with their own sketchy pasts or inner problems than to simply distract themselves in another woman's embrace. These are usually the guys who are viewed as exemplary. Guys who have families that they generally love, yet for some strange reason they also love some other woman. This guy is usually running from some larger problem that he can't beat through conventional means, so he runs. Runs into the arms of another woman. ...and given time he'll run from her too. This one is rare.
Actually, women can perform that one too.
