Greatest Hits [Always Remember]

Back in the beginning days of the Century

Club, when it was simply myself- Ryan, Bri, and maybe a ouple other folks who have faded off into non existence, but it was a special day when the Australian Dan came along... not because he turned out to be awesome in his own way, but because inside his tangled web of baggage would he drag his very American girlfriend Sarah.

Much time would pass before Sarah and I would become as close as we are now, but I have to at least recognize that's where it started. We would go on to have many ridiculous adventures and delusions of grandeur. Ha ha. (read that laugh out loud) Now we are BFFF (that extra F is colloquial French) Now, my dear friend is leaving the States, and heading to the outback in the pursuit of love, and that next story to tell in this thing called, life... and I find myself sitting here reflecting on some of our best moments... our 'greatest hits' so to speak.

"Skullfucking"

Every one knows I speak a peculiar language- Tescaderian if you will, (it's mostly cuss words, military jargon and lazy slang) and nobody has reacted to it as vibrant as Sarah has.

"The Beat It Routines"

It was a WHOLE YEAR before Michael Jackson died, but Sarah and I who are horrible dancers alone, decided to team up and attempt to recreate the "Beat It" knife fight scene. It didn't work out so well.

Part 1:

Part 2:

"The Fish Fry Encore"

Sarah's from the south... so she loves to fry fish. Supposedly, at one point fish was the only meat she'd eat. Something about being a Presbyterian or Peterman or something... who knows. So Dan, invites us over to fry up some fish on his porch, because that's the silly things we do. We had an awesome time, and somehow we got drunk- and headed out. At one point, I went into the bathroom to freestyle about Sarah's North Carolina upbringing, and how she was raised near the Krispy Kreme factory. (Supposedly, there's video of this.) (ok, ok...it's on Facebook.) I know, right? Weird.

"Walking on Broken Glass"

Sarah, Ashley and I go to some club on U St. just hours after I went to my friend's wedding. Of course we were over served, I tried to hook

Sarah up with a bartender who wore a shirt reading, "I want to kick your puppy" and according to her, I was hitting on some ugly chick. Then we drove 2 miles out of the way to get Harsh, and then an additional 10 miles in the middle of the night to go get pancakes from iHop...all while Sarah had a piece of glass in her foot from dancing in the club. (She found that out the next day.)

"The Wedding"

Harsh and I went and got shit faced one night, and ended up in the newspaper two days later. As you can see, I was shit faced enough to answer the question, "What would you do in a financial

crunch, and why?" With the answer, "Take all my money out of the bank, put it in my Spider-Man lunchbox, and hide it in my garage." I didn't think the girl asking me was serious. Sure enough, three days later- there I was... in the paper. Looking like a damn fool. Sarah with the rest of the city saw this posting and asked me later on about this Spider-Man lunchbox and whether or not it was real. She didn't believe it. Well, dammit. It was very real. I brought it to her Thanksgiving dinner, and she was SO in love with the damn thing she decided to marry it. Yes, ceremony and all. It was a beautiful event, complete with an audience. We also created a Facebook page for him. (Friend him NOW. His name is 'Jack Lunchebocks') Sadly, they would later divorce because I got tired of brown bagging to work.

The Marriage:

Finally, "The Rasslin' Promo"

That same day, at the Fish Fry Part deux, Sarah and I somehow started talking about wrestling in the 80's and how they had silly promos for upcoming events... well it wasn't long before we decided to make our own, calling out other members of the Century Club as 'Sarah Granite' and 'The Awesomest Warrior' ...yes that those are paper towels wrapped around her head.

Well, I could go on for days...but I'll end here before it just gets creepy. I'll miss my buddy and I hope this move gets her one step closer to figuring it all out.

Century Club forever, bitches Cobrai Kai recognize!! Love ya, Tony.

"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." -(Christopher Robin to Pooh) 'The House at Pooh Corner'; A.A. Milne

Ji Yeon [Everything We Are]

One of my biggest fears has always been that I would father complete idiots. This fear has shown it's ugly head in various ways, to the way that I treat women, to siblings and elders, to actual children- single mothers and so forth. It has been the basis for my absolute lack of faith in today's youth when I'm riding the train or the bus in complete silence just... observing and absorbing the words, mannerisms, actions of the ill-fated populace.

Don't get me wrong. I'm SO FAR from perfect. Any of my friends will gladly tell you a story from the library of "Tony is a Jackass." This library is stocked with nakedness, marriage, alcohol, drug use, violence and vomit. I'm full of shit, I'm always knee deep in scandal and a bit of a manipulator. However, I think they can all agree that when it's absolutely needed, my brain is a lethal weapon that is not afraid at all to walk out on that mound to save the game. (and my life in several occasions.)

Anyway, I was going through my bookshelves looking for a specific book to let someone borrow when it occurred to me that this person had come to me for the book instead of the library. I was completely touched, yet at the same time my scatterbrained mind began to race. See, most folk who are scatterbrained will tell you. We can connect dots like clockwork. We can interrelate a can of Lysol and nuclear fusion in normal conversation while standing in line at Wendy's figuring which combo would taste better. I began to think why hadn't she read this book already? Just last week she was explaining to me why Beyonce's new single was her "coming of age...BLAH BLAH BLAH" yet she had not ever read, nor heard of "1984" She's 3 years older than me.

Whatever happened to 'getting lost in a book'? It seems as though nowadays the general public is being force fed their imagination through the mental gluttony of music videos, 'reality TV' and video games. It seems possibilities used to be endless, and now that has faded to either "slingin' crack rock or you got a wicked jump shot" as my boy so cleverly put it. (The Notorious B.I.G., "Things Done Changed" ('Ready To Die' LP)

I guess I fear my offspring will be a part of the mindless masses connected to the Matrix. It was Groucho Marx who said that TV was very educational- every time it was on he went to to the next room and read a book. HA. I bet if that were true today, kids wouldn't be the way they are. I'm not saying I know how the world is supposed to be, I just wish folk had a more... open outlook towards life. A creative-view towards what tomorrow will bring. I'm SO sick of hearing and seeing that it's all about "money, and bitches...aristocracy." (although they never use that last word.)

...*sigh* maybe T.H. White was right when he implied that if we had wings we would be to interested in God's majesty to be dull, or warmongers. ('The Once and Future King')

So I decided to compile a list of SOME books I will demand my child have already read and understood by the age of 15. Feel free to look and wonder if you've read any of them.

PLEASE NOTE: I am not saying that if you read any of these it all of sudden makes you smart. I'm not saying if you haven't read any of these, you're an idiot. I'm not that kind of pretentious fuckwad. I'm simply saying I would like for my offspring to have a basic understanding of humanity, life...and classic literature. These have greatly helped me over the years, and I greatly believe they will help any who read them. The "Constant" once said about me that I'm the greatest survivor she's ever met. Maybe it's because I've read these. Maybe it's because the way I was raised. Maybe it's because God looks out for me a lot. Who knows? Read the books.
(These ARE NOT in order of importance.)

1. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn -Mark Twain
2. Of Mice and Men- John Steinbeck
3. That Damned Human Race- Mark Twain
4. What Is Man?- Mark Twain
5. Animal Farm- George Orwell
6. 1984- George Orwell
7. Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret- Judy Blume
8. Black Boy- Richard Wright
9. Catch 22- Joseph Heller
10. The Catcher In The Rye- J.D. Salinger
11. The Picture of Dorian Gray- Oscar Wilde
12. Mein Kampf- Adolf Hitler
13. Flowers for Algernon- Daniel Keyes
14. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer- Mark Twain

15. The Picture of Dorian Gray- Oscar Wilde

16. Aesop's Fables- Aesop

17. A Tale of Two Cities- Charles Dickens

18. The Great Gatsby- F. Scott Fitzgerald

19. The Invisible Man- Ralph Ellison

20. The Invisible Man- H.G. Wells

Now I'm ending it here, because I'm curious to see what my readers will put. (Which would also explain the omission of certain books because I know they'll put them. My actual list has 30 more books.)

"Everything we are. Everything we have. Everything we do." - 'The Call', Os Guinness

Through The Looking Glass: The Battle between Spider-Man and Sephiroth

Ok. So someone asked me recently who I thought would win in a fight between two of my favorite fictional icons. I told them the answer was probably Spider-Man, and they asked me to go into detail. So here goes. (Here's the original question:

who would win in a fight. Spider-Man on steroids if yoda taught him how to use the force. Or Sephiroth on Cocaine wearing an exoskeleton suit?

Sephiroth vs. Spider-Man:
Here's what we know. (or can assume)
Sephiroth is about 6'3" he's about peak mutant levels of strength and agility- which to say he probably is as strong as Wolverine, and just as agile as Daredevil. He's a master swordsman, wielding a 7' foot Masamune which has immense power. It's capable of cutting through most objects like a hot knife through butter- sometimes even without actual contact with the target. (Notice the destruction of the cannon.)



It should probably be noted that Sephiroth has a massive amount of knowledge- not book smarts-genius like Spidey is when it comes to science, but wisdom due to his time in the Lifestream absorbing the wisdom of the Ancients. He's also been shown unleashing bursts of energy from his sword, teleporting (which he's never used in combat), and post Jenova, he is able to shapeshift her body parts into his visage and other forms. After absorbing the knowledge of the Lifestream while regenerating his body, Sephiroth gains the ability to use magic without requiring the use of Materia.
Sephiroth also has a measure of psychic abilities, able to read minds, project illusions, and levitate objects and people using his will alone.That added with his stoic, slightly pretentious demeanor, it's highly unlikely Sephiroth would use cocaine, or an exosleleton. However, if we had to include that, I can only assume the armor would deduct from his already impressive agility and speed; while the coke would only make him more aggressive... which would unfortunately also deduct from his wisdom. Sephiroth also has an incredible will. It's through sheer willpower that he controls all his minions, (clones/SOLDIERS injected with Jenova cells) Jenova, and avoids certain absolute death. It could be argued that he's immortal, because of this willpower, and refusal to lose. Something else, I'll factor in for sake of battle points- is his limit break, or desperation techniques "Super Nova" (which he summons a meteor that destroys parts of the sun and engulfs his opponent in a wave of fire.) and his "Ocataslash" which he unleashes a swift sequence of eight lethal sword attacks.

Spider-Man however, who's about 5'9" can lift somewhere in the 9-10 tons range. He's armed with two wristband mounted webshooters which allow him to contain, and attack opponents- and they also allow him to travel great distances in short amounts of time by 'webslinging' Spider-Man also is probably the most agile character created. It's because of this agility, combined with the webshooters he can perform close-mid-long distance combat flawlessly, even against multiple opponents. (Clearly, Reed Richards was impressed...)


In terms of pure strength, Spider-Man most likely can out lift Seph. The popular thought is his strength max is 10 tons. So, Spider-Man doesn't really need the juice-but if he were on the juice- I'm guessing you can safely assume that all blows landed would be ridiculously maxed out. Not to mention, the possibility of Spidey 'Roid Rage. Spider-Man also has an intuitive danger- avoidance system he dubbed, "the Spider-Sense" when he places 100% faith into it, it will undoubtedly save him from harm 100% of the time. This perk has given him the ability to face foes blindfolded, drugged and even handicapped. In addition to all this, you're now adding the use of "The Force" which in the most simple terms is telekinesis, and slight intuition.

And that my friend, is what turns the battle from victory for Spidey to straight-up landslide victory. Let's look at it like this. Like, most of Spider-Man's opponents, Sephiroth will learn the hard way that Spidey is hard to hit, and if you can't land an attack- you've lost. Spidey just has to use his his Spider-Sense to guide his body from Sephiroth's attacks. That probably won't be too hard, seeing how Sephiroth needs to be a certain distance from his opponent to succcessfully use his sword. Not saying he has to be far, it's just he can't survive at close quarter range where Spidey prevails. In fact, this fight could probably boil down to Spidey either dismantling the suit, or disabling it, and attacking him directly.

It could be argued, though that because Spidey can't compete with post-Civil War Iron Man, how can he take apart and exoskeleton? Well simply the question wasn't about battle armor on Stark's/Doom levels. And not only that, the Spidey-Sense combined with 'the force' totally make this a no-brainer. Simply because Seph won't be able to produce any major damage.