Every Man for Himself

A couple years ago I wrote an entry here that professed what I thought were the reasons men cheated. At that point in my life I'd only been with 4 four women seriously, The Constant... the Variable... the Substitute and the Candidate. (Sharp readers will be able to pick out each one from past entries on this very blog. Here's a hint. Cristen is The Constant.)

Even though I'd been with none of those women in an actual relationship for longer than 4 months and my clear penchant for random hookups, and week long flings, I believed I was travelled enough to right that blog.

This is not one of those situations where I look back and think I was silly then, I've just grown more and realize it's much deeper.

I've been with my current girlfriend seven months. This past weekend I realized something as I was out celebrating with some friends and this very exotic Egyptian girl sat next to me in the club and proceeded to fill my head with numerous reasons why I should go home with her.

Follow me.

Even though adultery has been around forever (hell, it's commandment number 7) but we still aren't any where close to cracking the mystery and I'm sure we never will.

1. You can get away with it.
The knowledge that no one will find out and no one will get hurt is reason enough for some men to grab a different entree. Hell, I know countless couples where the woman think she so smart that she KNOWS her man and she could tell if he was cheating on her. Idiots. The only downside to this one though; as men get craftier with avoiding detection, women get more sophisticated with detecting, not to mention boosting their network of spies, and the fact that cameras are EVERYWHERE now a days. I've seen a lot guys taken down via Facebook. Don't be a casualty, bro

2. It's Exciting
To some guys, women are sexual trophies. I used to be one. I've got a a bunch on my mantle. I even have old ethnic checklists and novelty sex goals. Men with this mindset have DEFINITELY already cheated. (I already admitted to ya'll I did once long ago) Some guys can't put the shotgun down and abandon the chase, the hunt. For others it may as simple as deciding to finally get a taco after months of pizza. Excitement.

3. No Sex

Who hasn't heard that the best way to get a woman to stop having sex with him is by marrying her? Well, in this day and age of couples living with each other before marriage *cough cough-coward's marriage cough-cough* Apparently, it seems long-term relationships seem to suck the sex drive out of many women, leaving men gasping for fulfillment. When the craving comes for more sex, a lot of guys will start "working late" more often.
Or it maybe that the sex has become boring. She doesn't want to try new things in bed. Or maybe she blatantly gave you a list of things you can never do. Some men don't want the mother of their children doing things that only a whore should do. Go figure.


4. She Cheated!
Working behind the bar I've heard plenty of stories of guys going astray because she slipped up, and the best way to get her back is go screw everything walking. (Not in my book though. I'd just dump her) Hell, I know guys that will stray if it even looks like another man has her fancy. Some guys are so hurt by one girl long time ago that they are still making new women pay for that first girl. Weird.

5. Ego Boost 
6. The Opportunity is RIGHT THERE
7. She doesn't turn you on anymore
I don't think... I can say it better than the late Patrice O'Neal did.

8. Your Girlfriend is ANNOYING

Most guys have woken up to find themselves with some female that thrives on making him feel like crap. Constant complaining, spoiled ways that her damn parents have installed into her, fighting all the time, etc. etc. Cheating seems to be the only cure for this type of domestic hell.

9. Girls let us
I don't even really think I have to explain this one. I see guys out here all the time with 4-5 different kids with 4-5 different mothers. It's the basis of accepting the position of 'bottom bitch'. Countless women keep forgiving infidelity, and it just keeps happening. If you let somebody walk over you, they will.

10. You don't care for her anymore
After a forever together, it seems you've lost all feeling for her. She just doesn't spark your imagination the way she used to, are maybe the guy is unhappy- whatever- since he once cared deeply for her he can't bring himself to cutting it off, because that will lead to something painful and messy. Makes no sense almost, right?

Anyway, I still feel the same way I do about cheating. I just felt like I understood more than I did a while back. Cheating by definition implies foulplay. You can't justify it and it's pointless. It's ALWAYS a sign that you are unhappy in your relationship, and if you're unhappy- address the problem or move on.

The Dark Knight Rises... into something ponderous

I went to go see the highly anticipated, 'The Dark Knight Rises' Saturday. I was eager to go because I was curious how the series would end, and a couple friends who went to the midnight screening praised the film greatly. I left the theater afterwards disappointed at their opinion. What follows is my review of the film.

Warning: There are some slight spoilers. For the sake of length, BB= Batman Begins, TDK= The Dark Knight and TDKR= The Dark Knight Rises.

Nolan's version of the Batman tale was a gritty, dark, and satisfyingly adult vision. TDKR opens with Harvey 'Two Face' Dent falsely martyred at the hands of the mysterious vigilante, Batman. Gotham City is surprisingly crime free thanks to a new law placed in remembrance of Dent. Batman and Bruce Wayne have disappeared, with Bruce sporting a cane and an awesome limp... that they never explain. Nevertheless a storm looms on the close horizon, a storm called Bane, who aims to destroy Gotham City completely.
Add into the mix the sexy, yet dangerous, scene stealing Catwoman who only seems to care about her own self satisfying agenda.

But let's get to my opinion.
It's unfortunate that this movie came out after TDK. TDK was amazing, epic in many ways, my only real beefs with it being that at times there was too many branches of story going on in a really long movie. Secondly, my concrete belief that Heath Ledger got the girls interested in the film. His death got everyone else to go see it. Unfortunately. Because I for one, along with everyone else didn't know that man was that talented until then.

TDKR gets so wrapped up in attempting to be bigger, and better, and larger than TDK that it completely misses the very thing that should be the essential cog in a super hero movie. An actual adventure. I swear, in all of the 240 minutes or so of TDKR, if I paid money to see Batman, well I expect to see Batman y'know...be Batman. Instead I got maybe for maybe 32 minutes of Batman. The rest was Officer Blake (Josh Gordon Levitt), some orphans, a prison that's pretty damned silly, (complete with this nonsense: "Your vertebrae is sticking out" *He pushes it back in*) and some corporate takeover that kinda felt like a take on the Occupy movement. In fact, now that I think about it, I think Officer Blake had more screen time than Batman did. No, I'm sure of it. Speaking of Officer Blake, the Robin joke was cute- but what's the point in leaving him the bat mantle if you won't train him, Bruce? Hell, in BB it took you SEVEN YEARS in a super secret cult to learn how to be Batman. What's Blake gonna do?

In my opinion, there is very little excitement in TDKR. I literally got more amped up from the crowd OUTSIDE the theater. At no point in this film was I held in suspense, did I tense up and grab my armrest. For real, there will be no sell outs of Bane costumes this Halloween. There will be no 'Why So Serious?' scrawled on school lockers or train doors. In fact, I can't for the life of me remember any cool one liners from the film other than when a businessman condescendingly stated that he was in control of Bane, and Bane gently placed his massive hand on the businessman's shoulder and as he towered over him, replies: "Do you feel like you're in control?"

The action felt a little blah, and I'm trying not to compare it to anything else, but dude... in the previous movie I saw the caped crusader fucking jack knife an 18 wheeler, after a gripping and pulse racing car chase through Gotham City. (How awesome was that Batpod ejecting from the Bat Tumbler sequence??) Sorry. I started to digress there. As I was saying, TDKR doesn't have any impressive action. I get the whole pugilistic aim in the fight between Bane and Batman, but seriously, I can't honestly say I was all that moved by the fight. I speak of the first one, because the rematch was just...silly to me. To non-comic fans it fails to explain just how Bane was able to bare hand punch through solid rock columns, but whatever. Speaking of that final action scene, all of Gotham's cops fight all of Gotham's criminals in a street war. Both sides are heavily armed, yet it turns out being a huge melee. WTF.

 Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying the movie sucked, nor am I saying I didn't enjoy it. I guess I just felt like this film had so much potential, and in my opinion it failed to meet it. Sure, within all the nonsensical plots there is a genuine story going on about redemption and sacrifice.... the kind of twisted character development that made Nolan look like a cot damned genius in Memento and Inception. I just feel that instead of trying to be bigger than TDK, and be the most epic of the trilogy, it came off as just plain excessive. I'm STILL trying to see the point in the damn Batplane other than using it as a plot device in disposing of Bane/Talia's bomb.

Oh yeah. Talia Al Ghul is in the film. ...she's revealed as a "plot twist" Bats incorrectly deduces that Bane is Ra's child. *sigh* So basically, if you've ever read a comic book with Ra's Al Ghul in it, or at the least, played the highly popular video game Arkham City you would've seen that coming 2 hours prior.

Consider this: In BB we subconsciously accept that there's villains and heroes, Ra's Al Ghul is one of those villains, and he wants to blow up JUST Gotham City even though he's got a hard on for the downfall of ALL corrupt society.
In TDK the villain is bat shit crazy (pun intended) and he makes some scary ass points- points that he not only proves, but he also convinces the only beacon of hope in this hellhole of a city to become a murderous psychopath.
TDKR just seems like whatever. Instead a likely progression or a new  method of threat, Bane and his silly cockney accent just wants to finish what Ra's started. (no originality there, Bane) Then he frees all the prisoners and locks up the cops because the criminals are the only ones that understand how the world reallyworks. (Well, wait. Didn't the Joker show us that last time?)
Catwoman's tale is actually in my opinion the only part of the story that makes sense. Well, and Alfred who I found myself feeling SO sorry for.

Also, I felt like instead of forcing us to miss Harvey dent so much- how about remind us why Batman's leg is jacked up in the first place. (It happened in the fall saving Gordon's kid at the end of TDK)

Anyway, I'd like to take a moment to just repeat, I feel like this movie (if we could go back in time) should have been the second one. The existence of this film totally negates the SUPER EPIC ending from TDK. An ending that SHOULD be the end of a trilogy.

That whole speech Gordon gives his son/eulogy at Dent's funeral as Batman limps to his bike and then rides off into the light like a fucking cowboy riding into the fucking sunset. As that score plays in the background. WOW.

But anyway, It didn't suck, but it wasn't as epic as people are pretending it is.
It was NOT the best Batman film. In fact, it is probably the weaker of the three. (Nolan's trilogy)
It WAS NOT better than Marvel's The Avengers. If you seriously believe that, then I have to assume you also do massive amounts of peyote.
In fact, it seems to me the less of an actual comic fan you are, the more you will enjoy this film.
But what do I know. I'm just a fanboy.
It was good. Not worth $16.00 to go see it in IMAX. See it in a normal theater. Definitely NOT the greatest superhero film of the year.

Hell, I walked out of The Amazing Spider-Man more satisfied... but I know my readers.
They will say I'm biased. Whatever.


P.S. Fanboy sheep fans of Nolan...don't start no shit there won't be no shit.

P.P.S. Can I also mention the rock climbing scenes that made NO FUCKING sense? Bruce Wayne is climbing a wall, with a rope tied around his waist... (which is odd seeing how his back was supposedly JUST broken, but whatevs...) and there's a guy holding the rope at the bottom like an anchor, and he falls repeatedly with said rope tightening around the SAME DAMN WAIST AREA THAT WAS SUPPOSEDLY JUST BROKEN every time he falls, which he does a LOT. Problem.

Why is the guy holding the rope at the bottom? If he falls, and Bruce dangles in mid-air because the guy is still holding the rope- that means the rope HAS to be tied at a point higher than where he fell from. THAT'S BASIC FUCKING PHYSICS.

So... why doesn't the guy just give him some slack when he sees he's falling so the fall won't hurt as much? Or better yet...

WHY NOT RAISE HIM HIGHER OUT OF THE FUCKING HOLE?

I'm done.

What Kate Does

I remember a long time ago when pretty much every black girl I knew was anti fellatio.

In fact, they used to claim that the act was reserved only for white girls.
The term 'Becky' still floats around certain circles.
Then there were the ones that said it lead to cancer.
Of course, they act like that time never existed- but I'll go ahead and fill you in on the era. It was between 1990- and 1995.

Girls back then were only going down on guys because they were in love.
Now a days, you could get head from a black girl in a Starbuck's bathroom if you watch for the signs. (Here's a hint. Girls that change their avi everyday, or have pics showcasing their assets on facebook/twitter are more likely to do it.)

Years later, I met a guy who would end up being my best friend. (not my hetero-life mate Dandu, the other guy) During one of our many many conversations he disclosed to me that he and his girlfriend at the time liked to do all sorts of weird, kinky, perverted shit.
When I asked what the fuck, he replied because he was in love.
I immediately knew that was a bullshit lie. He did that shit because he is a pervert, and she did it out of perceived love. He turned her into a pervert over time.

Put a pin in that.

Last week, I was talking to another one of my friend couples and the guy disclosed to me that the she won't take it in the pooper. In fact, when I tactlessly brought up butt sex later on and unrelated to her she went into her extremely homophobic views on butt sex. You know the score, it's 'something only the homosexuals do', or 'it's not meant for that', blah blah blah.
She thinks it's dirty. I had to remind her of one simple thing.

It is. That's why it's so hot.
In all reality though, anyone who has ever done it knows anal sex is a great source of pleasure, and when done right, penetrating a woman back there can lead to orgasms for everyone.

See, the the fact that it is a taboo act (along with snowballing, and orgies and numerous fetishes) makes it all the more tantalizing to men and women alike. When someone dictates that something just shouldn't be done, that's basically like encouraging them to head directly to it. 
Then I revealed to him the inevitable reality that if he takes baby steps and is willing to just wait it out- he'll be fudge packing her eventually because people do things they normally won't out of love.
...and that's not necessarily true. It's not love at all.
Now that I'm older, I can better identify what's really going on.

I remember once this girl queefed in bed with me, I thought she farted and I stopped having sex with her because I thought she was the most rancid, perverse human being on Earth. Nowadays, there's not a vagina I invade that doesn't queef.

...and I assure you I do NOT love, or even remotely like a 1/4 of the women I enter.


The actual thing that is transpiring that you may not realize is you're (or the black girls I mentioned earlier) balancing your ignorance and unfamiliarity with a sexual act against the things you subjectively find disgusting.

Fact is for most those black girls I mentioned earlier, if I went to them and offered to jizz on their face I probably would get slapped immediately. If Obama offered the same service, the reply would be
"ugh...maybe"

What seemed disgusting when it was me moaning away ready to fire baby batter in your general direction, it seems a little bit more appealing when it's Barack standing on your bed hovering over you. Funny how the world works, yeah?

Everyone will do more as you grow and mature than they thought were capable of doing. So be patient my friend. You don't gotta wait for her to love you. You just gotta make her think all the disgusting things you do.

Good luck, hombre.


“Whenever a taboo is broken, something good happens, something vitalizing. Taboos after all are only hangovers, the product of diseased minds, you might say, of fearsome people who hadn't the courage to live and who under the guise of morality and religion have imposed these things upon us.”
-Henry Miller