Friday, May 29, 2009

Entry: Everybody Hates Tony [Nice Things At Funerals]

If you've been following my blogs, (on MySpace, and now www.tescaderospeaks.com) then you should know all about my rules- the guidebook I like to call it.

And you should also know about why I made it.

My adult life has been full of ups and downs. But one thing that seems repetitive in my checkered past is girl trouble.
See- one of the things about being me is, I'm pro the old days where guys drank the liquor straight up, were head of their household, read the sports section at the dinner table, fixed cars on the weekends, grilled in the backyard on hot days, knew the sound of hot rod engine,burped, scratched, and pounded a couple with the fellas after work at the local bar.

As someone who refuses to settle, or fall into the pitfalls of society that most people have fallen into, (i.e. have a baby before I can take care of one, do what I have to do to put food on the table instead what I dream to live in joy, and ignore individuality) I sometimes appear to be the rebel that some women crave, but don't want to KEEP.
You know, the maintenance man. He goes by many titles. The milkman, Dick in a Glass, The Other Guy, Mr. Fix-It, The Go-To [Julie], The Buddy. This is extremely dangerous when the women belong to the guy I hang with. It's all about the crave. I'm not a rebel at all... it's just in THIS day and age- the quality things that I believe in seem alien- and I strongly believe it's curiosity that makes someone else's significant other attracted to me. I represent everything they don't have currently.

And I take full advantage of it. Well I did. Then I wrote the rulebook.
But the rulebook had a side effect. It made me more cold and self-serving than I actually am. I also missed a lot of opportunities with some good [in theory] women. Now, the funny thing is- I've definitely played the 'good' card several times and told the boyfriend, but it never went the way I would want it. (That's another conversation)

Here I am, a time later and faced with the decision of tossing said rulebook because there is a 'good' girl out there that just happens to be the ex or something to a friend of mine... and I know that there's that natural curiosity from her side of the playing field. The question is, is it right? But regardless, if it is- I will have my enemies and people that look down on my decision. Because the rulebook clearly tells me that shouldn't screw my boy like this, (even though they're not together) however what if her and I are more compatible? And, if that's so, why should it matter if it's right or wrong?

Everyone always talks about, "Oh you shouldn't care about what people think" and they're kinda right. You shouldn't. But that shouldn't dictate your human interaction either. Because eventually you have to give a damn about what people think. Unless you have no goals, or you were born into wealth. You definitely can't afford to have everyone hate you. So plan all your decisions accordingly.

I'm going to keep my hands to myself btw.

"They say such nice things at funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days." -Garrison Keillor

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Other Woman [Uncertain]

So... is anyone else a bit put off about this Alicia Keys and Swizz Beats thing? Don't get me wrong I respect both of the contributions to the music industry, it's just this union has definitely raised my eyebrow. I mean, I'm trying not to sound like a hater, but this just seems...odd; especially since dude is married.

When you think of Alicia Keys, you think of this elegant, and morally 'right' person. Maybe it's because of the nature of her music, her raw talent, and her philanthropy. Maybe it's me, but you'd never expect her to be 'the other woman' but... as you can see, in this world- expect the unexpected.

And this is funny... because in reality- you can attach a lot of proverbs to this situation. 'You can't judge a book by it's cover", "Opposites Attract", but probably "Everything Is Not What It Seems" fits best. (this is where the conversation strays from the picture) Always try to stay on your toes.
'Why?' You say? Well, because everything is not what it seems. Just when YOU THINK you got the situation locked, then bam! You circled the block 4 times! And when you decide to pay that parking garage fee, that's when the space in front of your brownstone opens up. It's apart of the daily chaos that is this life. And in order to maintain a good bearing in the storm that is life, you gotta keep your mind open. One of the worst things you can do as a person is fall victim to routine. Because your brain loses it's imagination- it's ability to cover all the bases- anticipate the foul balls, the unexpected possibilities. So try something new every day. And don't be afraid of change, or taking that right turn when everything says go left. Consider random possibilities! Play random scenarios out in your head, and anticipate Murphy's Law. (Believe it or not, I'm not trying to turn you into a pessimist.)

Besides. She looks way better with Common.

"Life is very short, and very uncertain; let us spend it as well as we can." -Samuel Johnson

Monday, May 18, 2009

Confirmed Dead [Unnecessary]

According, to most folk, I'm a JACKASS. And some women think that the girls I date (and you should know by now, I use 'date' loosely- as in hooking up is a date) are trash. Which is funny...

But, I can't help but notice that I don't have any of the relationship issues that most people I know do. I don't have to worry about making that Facebook single/not single/complicated or the status where I wear my heart on my sleeve. "I don't need you anymore, I was true- you lied. I'm a better woman without you!" and blah blah.

Nevertheless it seems like lately the most pressing issue that most crosses my desk is when to let go. You know, where I'm going with this- so if my usual cold perspective pisses you off. Eject your ass from the page now.

Now the problem with most of ya'll is you think that you can just sweep the past under a rug and be done with it. Even I, with my detached attitude, know this is untrue. Unless, you're me... or like it. Relationships aren't drugs- hell even drugs take more than cold turkey to kick. If you do try to handle it overnight, it'll be like a Band-Aid. It hurts like a bitch, and it may leave some sticky residue behind. Think of it more like a- lawn mower- you know you're out there on a hot summer day and you're looking at that jungle you call a lawn and saying to yourself, "Grass, I'ma cut you!" then you get to pullin' that crank cord and -nothing. You gotta pull it like three or four times before it cranks up. Hell if that picture ain't working for you- think of it like tipping over a soda machine. One push won't do it. You gotta get it rocking first.

Because try as you might- and tell all your girlfriends or boys... but you're gonna hook up. Again and again. Until one of you finds someone better than YOU/THEM. Which will then solidify their position as an EX. But why stall and waste that time? Some of you could have found that next person. That person that maybe you should be with- but you couldn't see their light because you still got your head under the past's umbrella.

Newsflash- They are an EX for a reason!


Do yourself the favor of taking a serious break from them- respect the reasons that you broke up with them and stop submitting to the silly needs of the flesh. And please. PLEASE never think that you won't be fine without them because trust me- they weren't with you during puberty, or when your parents divorced. So you can get by without them now...and vice versa, despite what they said you are not the gears that make their clocks tick. If you are- then you shouldn't have been with them in the first place. Set a standard for yourself and stick to it. Discipline dammit. If you can't then don't complain about it to your friends. Do you know how pathetic you sound when you and your friends agree that you need to separate yourself from your Ex, but you find reasons to go back- and when you get your feelings hurt, (oh because you WILL) you come singing that same sob story to your friends again? Especially if you are the type of person that put your friends on the back burner and neglected for your relationship-which now you realize did not last, but you expect your friendship to. So if you can't discipline yourself- try trusting and appreciating your friends more.

This is probably a good time to try putting yourself on a pedestal. No. It's not conceited- in fact it's the perfect remedy for those that just wanna cry or already are crying because he/she left. Do some trash talking. Realize they ain't shit, and you're glad they're gone. You know- sometimes God, or whatever higher power you believe in- takes people out of your life to make room for the person that's supposed to be there. But you wouldn't know because you're fighting it. And for those that feel that their EX is that soulmate and God DID make them just for you...
Do yourself a favor and don't come back until they fix everything that made you leave. (Or until you fix everything that made them leave- however you're reading this.) Stay away from them until that happens- go find yourself! Take YOURself shopping or to the damn movies. Hell, if you can't enjoy yourself, then what makes you think somebody else will? Okay. I'm done. I know it's all jumbled up and out of order and I'm just ranting but- I needed to get it off my chest, because if I see ONE more of these lopsided ass relationships where the partner is in a good place and my friend is steady trying to do something, hoping to do something, wasting time because they got there nose wide open for Sally Rottencrotch or Billy Crookeddick devoting ALL their spare time to them- I'm going to scream. (Especially, if ya'll have "broken up")

Take from it what you can.

"A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water." -Carl Reiner

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Adrift [Nonsense Now and Then]

Ok. First of all, let me just first apologize for my blatant ignoring of the blogs. I think I got wrapped up in the revitalization of Yahoo Messenger with Sara and Taneshia... but whatever. I've apologized- and we can move on.

I find that irony is the most ridiculous of all the things that happen in my life. I'm not even sure that this can be called irony. Nevertheless I'm going to share this story with you.

Late last year I was using the T-Mobile WING...which wasn't a bad device, once you hacked into it and unlocked the pure power of PC modifications. Anyway, one day Tam decides he wants to invite me to the Eyebar with some co-workers of his. I agree, and we take off and I meet some folk, I have a great time. Then, at the let out-one of the girls that I was just introduced to jumps on my back in a playful manner but I wasn't expecting it, so my phone flies out of my hand, falls to the ground, the battery casing comes apart and the battery falls directly into a sewer grate. What are the chances of this happening? Slim. But when you're Tescadero....anything is possible.

So I immediately went and upgraded to a T-Mobile G1.

Now, that G1 has been a great phone since day one with me, I haven't really had any major complaints with the device...it actually fit in with the rest of my daily crap (i.e. iPod, laptop, keys, wallet) pretty well. That is until the other day I was hanging out in Georgetown with a couple friends and I had my G1 resting in it's discreet little belt clip. I was taking a stroll along the water side, I'm not sure what that little canal that runs between M and K streets is called but that's where I was. Now for a reason that I choose not to get into because it will lead away from the point of the story, I had to take off into a short sprint. And when I did- guess what?

The G1 hit the ground, the
battery casing comes apart and the battery falls directly into that damn water. And when this happened, it almost took in a slow motion with 'O Fortuna' playing in the back ground as it galloped off the dirt path and then splashed into that filthy stream, lost forever.

So I figured until I contacted my insurance company- I was stuck with the little bullcrap Sony Ericsson I purchased in a haste to replace my WING while awaiting my G1 to arrive. And it was two days later- yesterday in fact that I hit the town with the fellas- I drove uptown to Cleveland Park for a couple drinks with Reggie and Jyscal in the back and my cousin Derrell riding shotgun. Riding up Connecticut Ave. banging out Daft Punk, switchin to Kanye, and B sides of Biggie, we push through the rain in good spirits and jokes. Derrell is sippin slow from his little SOLO cup full of some strange alcoholic mixture. He decides to place his cup in my cup holder- and I turn onto this small side street to park. I'm U-turning to squeeze between two SUV's when the phone rings. It's Mike. He wants to know where the party is. I tell him let me call you back and put my phone down on my cup holder/arm rest. As I back into the space with razor sharp precision- Derrell taps me on the shoulder and says,

"Your phone is in my cup."


"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men." -Willy Wonka

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Entry: Stranger In A Strange Land [The Real World]

Lately, I've been feeling blah...

I'm living in a neighborhood where everyday two kids walk either to or from school- rapping Lil' Wayne lyrics at the top of their voices past my window. (which if you've seen where I sleep is amazing and ridiculous)
It seems as though the charm I had too much of in my early 20's has expired because almost every person I meet does something that is just WEIRD to me. I was on the bus the other day at 2 in the morning and there was a pregnant woman (whom I heard her admit to her friend how the club they left earlier was wack and she spilled her drink on whatever girl had bumped into her) who was accompanied by her friend and what I can only assume was her two children. Surprisingly the bus was packed, and I didn't really see the validity in getting up to offer her the seat. I figured that if she could be pregnant and out with her kids at 2 in the morning, then she can stand up. Naturally some of the other riders didn't not share my perspective. So I got off the bus before I was ejected from the bus.

As some of you have been aware, earlier this year I decided to get back into bartending-so I started working at three places, while I absorb myself in the return to school. Long story short, one of the places was socially enjoyable but a colossal waste of my time. (and I strongly mean that in the upmost of lexical ways) It was at this particular place [that shall remain nameless because smear campaigns aren't my bag.] that a party was held for some gogo band which is like DC's thing. I wasn't impressed with the music nor the crowd it drew- especially the girl that requested the merLOT and fifteen minutes later dance-*ahem* have sex, with some guy she had just met on my bar. At this same establishment, I was accused of a deed so disturbing (especially if you know me- or know my lifestyle) that it almost tempted me to act out of character. So I quit until further notice.

Later on that day, I enlisted the help of the entire mod squad of drinking to attempt to celebrate a plethora of things. Amidst the adventure in the bar though, I was accosted by this girl who without the slightest of greeting or introduction demanded I buy her a drink- and once I agreed, also wanted one for her friend. I wasn't in the slightest attracted to the girl, yet to humor myself- I complied. Needless to say she took her glass and vanished without a trace. I then proceeded to drink until dawn...literally.

The next day- I awoke and was invited to go to the bar with a good friend of mine whose life was in shambles recently. But with a little patience (and just blatantly him having more resources- and more disciplined than I in the areas that matter.) he cleaned his shit up. And while we were drinking ourselves into oblivion, just before he realizes he's drunk he turns to me and says, despite all your shit, and douchebagness, comedic rants and random coincidental life, you make the most sense.


And all I could do was smile. Because I think maybe I do make sense. Maybe I am the odd man out but I'm not wrong. The majority is.

Maybe it's because I am determined to live my life to the fullest while at the same time, maintaining a certain level of personal dignity, which I expect everyone else to want as well. I don't know. But as I walked home, I realized that yeah, I do make a lot of sense.

So yeah. This was a shameless pat on MY back. (I think)

"I found out something I never knew. I found out that my world was not the real world." Robert F. Kennedy, 1968.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Entry: [LOST]...and Found

As most of you know, I'm into the show LOST for the moment- (thanks Spencer) mainly because it continues to intrigue me. As the series is drawing towards it's inevitable ending, I've decided to post the events/items that I've noticed that may or may not play a vital part of the show. I will be adding more theories/questions as the weeks go by. But for now let's start small. [Note: All episodes I reference that are within Seasons 1-4 can be viewed for free at abc.com or hulu.com- if you don't own the DVD and wanna check]

1)Who are Adam and Eve? (introduced in the season one episode 'House of The Rising Sun' by Jack) As of now, it appears the most realistic answer to that is it's Rose and Bernard who haven't been seen since the season 5 episode 'The Lie' after the mysterious flaming arrow attack during 1954. When Jack discovers the bodies, he notices the bodies must be around 50 years old. [The plane crash takes place in 2004] Maybe they took refuge into the caves and there either died of starvation or were killed by island hostiles.
2)What did Jack do with the black and white stones he found on the bodies? And more importantly- what do they signify?
3)What is Christian Shepherd? Chronologically, he's been out of his coffin since the crash. [He sent Vincent to wake Jack up in the pilot of season one. This is actually not shown in the actual show, but the LOST mobisode "So It Begins" (which you can view here- http://bit.ly/lwdcM)] So, did he come back to life upon crashing like Locke did later in season 5? Or is he a dead manife
station of the island? And if so, why is he out of his coffin? Following that same line of intrigue, was Christian already dead when he spoke to Sawyer in the bar at Sydney? Probably not- Sawyer's never seen the dead before...but it may be possible.
4) Speaking of Jack's awakening in the Pilot episode, what is that item right next to his head? It appears to be Ben's extendable baton...(which he used in S3's "Every Man For Himself", and S4's "The Shape Of Things To Come") It may be possible if the entire series comes full circle and the end is the beginning. Will it come down to Ben and Jack? Or is it pure coincidence?
5) In S2's "The Other 48 Days" Ana Lucia says "We were in the air for 2 hours..." however the pilot of the plane claims that "6 hours in, our radio went out..."
Was there a time delay/travel anamolly here? Or was it a simple miscalculation on Ana Lucia's part? Which is sort of unlikely seeing how she's a cop and supposed to be observant... but we all know how that is screwed...
6) Skip ahead to S3's "A Tale Of Two Cities"... while it was apparant that there was something going on outside-which forced everyone to go and see what the commotion was...Ben left his house and almost immediately looked to the sky, (before anyone else does,and before 815 is heard or seen) as if he were expecting a plane...(the sound that drew everyone outside is actually from the hatch button negligence from Desmond.)
7) Locke is later told in S3's "Further Instructions" by Boone to "bring the family back together" he then goes on to imply that Locke must save Eko ("before that you must clean up your mess")
Could the family Boone spoke of be Jack and his mysterious father, Christian? He is the father of Claire as well whom he later does successfully reunite with in S4's "Something Nice Back Home"/"Cabin Fever". Since Christian had a strained relationship with both of his children, this would seem the most likely. The weird part is- going back to Christian- what exactly is the relationship of him to Jacob? He seems to speak on his behalf, and he and Claire seem awfully comfortable in Jacob's cabin. I should also point out that in the Old testament of the Bible, Jacob was Aaron's [great]-great grandfather. (Aaron is the name of Claire's baby)


8) Finally, [for now] S3's "The Man From Tallahassee" Locke boarded the sub to sabotage it with the C4 he took from the Flame DHARMA station. Yet, when the sub exploded- he was soaking wet. Also, just before the sub exploded, the sub was not visible, yet it was when he approached it. Is it possible that he moved the sub?
Or maybe submerged it to make the Others believe they couldn't leave the island? Locke is against people leaving... and the explosion occured at the end of the dock, even though it was moored up in the middle of the dock when Locke approached it. There's further reason to believe that either Locke sunk the sub, or was conned by Ben in the Lost mobisode, "King of the Castle" [see it here: http://bit.ly/ZPIHJ]

This is it for this week. I won't open Pandora's Box yet... but feel free to comment with things you've noticed as well.

"My dreams were all my own, I accounted to them to nobody; they were my refuge when annoyed- my dearest pleasure when free." -Mary Shelley; 'Frankenstein' or 'The Modern Prometheus'