Monday, January 6, 2014

The World is Filled... (We'll just talk about those I know.)

Somewhere in the mid-90's, men got stupid.

Hi. Warning: I defended the ladies HERE and HERE... so forgive me.

You guys have let all sorts of things in this digital age fuck you royally. What the fuck is your problem? I know what it is, since 'fatherhood' is a rare concept nowadays, no one taught you how to praise your 'pancakes woman' and curve your 'pussy woman' Constantly tripping over 'thirst traps' and letting your dick do the piloting, while expecting to never be caught up is plain ridiculous.

I've NEVER been caught up. When I was in a committed relationship and I stepped out on my lady, I never got caught up. Never. My women never found out my other women, unless I told them about them. (Which I have a habit of doing, because I really don't have the patience for cheating.) Regardless, you know why I've never been caught?Because I'm kinda smart. I also know the cardinal focus:
NO ASS IS THAT FAT, NO TITTY IS SO ROUND, FOR ANY AMOUNT OF STRESS.

The difference with me and you guys though, I don't manipulate a woman's heart to increase the notches on my bedpost. And that's really one of two reasons two cheat. The other is selfishness. I tell all my conquests from the beginning. ...Kinda like side effects. (I like that.)

As my soul brother, and spiritual representative said it best:

"I warned them all from the beginning. I always said something along the lines of… I must advise you, I am stamped with an invisible warning: “will not commit”, “will never marry”

So without further ado, I will share with you the rules that I employ to avoid being caught up, or any situation similar to it. It's not complicated, most of it is common sense.

1.) STOP PUTTING YOUR JUMPOFF ON A PEDESTAL.

What part of the game is this? When did sidechicks get the authority to have an audience? By being a jumpoff, you give up all rights to have a fucking opinion. They know it. Everyone knows it. But for some odd reason, you gave her a voice, and now she's using that voice to stress you the fuck out. If you're talking to your jumpoff with the same endearing terms as your main girl, you're wrong. If you're arguing with your side joint, you're wrong. To argue with someone means you care. Period. A sidechick shouldn't mean that much to you that you're arguing with her. If your side joint threatens to leave, LET HER! Who the hell is she? You shouldn't be sending her texts or falling for bait traps where she gets you to admit anything ya'll did over text or voicemail. Never record anything that you don't want to be caught for later.
Why she can get you so angry that you're arguing with her, and ruining your mood is bananas and I see the shit all the time. It's ri-gotdamn-diculous. You should be talking to side joints on YOUR time, not hers, and definitely not late night giggling in the dark like a little bitch; you're doing too much.
Speaking of phones...

2.) STOP LETTING THESE WOMEN IN YOUR PHONE.

In the age of digital footprints everywhere, it surprises me that guys are still just handing their phone over to non-spouses so easily. Phones can arguably be equated to bank accounts and identity information. You know why? Because phones ACTUALLY have that information streaming through them constantly. Does your woman allow you to go through her purse? (If she does, you shouldn't be doing it- I'll come back to that) So why are you letting these women into your phone? I never allow anyone in my phone. For any reason. And the funny thing is, I don't have any damning information readily available in the usual folders. It's just the principle. Furthermore, if you need to go through my phone, you obviously don't trust me- or you have trust issues. Either way- we need to fix that or break up.

Lock your phone, bro.
...and if you're getting stressed about your phone security, quit worrying about social media apps and get yourself a privacy app like Secret Box (android) or Lockbox (iOS)
and speaking of social media...

3.) STOP BEING A TARGET FOR THE PUBLIC

I'm just going to assume you're not out in public with your side joint. (Unless she lives another area code away from your main joint.)
You should NOT be following your sidechick on Twitter.      
You should NOT be following your sidechick on Instagram.
You should NOT be following your sidechick on Tumblr.
You shouldn't be sharing little dumbass memes and jokes on Facebook with your sidejoint.
You should not be writing anything incriminating in ANYONE's direct messages.
You should not be liking pictures of some girl's ass on Instagram.
You should not be IN your sidechick's pictures. Especially her selfies.

Also your sidechick should not know who your main girl is on social media. Some of you allow that, and it's beyond me, but if that's the case your worlds are colliding and that's not good. Sidechicks will without a doubt always take that information and use it to your displeasure ON social media. If you know your sidechick is addicted to social media, then you need to be cautious about allowing her over your house. Or having your belongings in the target of her lens. (Actually, your sidechick should never be over your house, but we'll get to that)
In addition, stop being so fucking thirsty. And not even thirsty for individuals. Thirsty to be seen. If you like a picture do you really have to publicly like it? Ya'll are out here cartwheeling in some girl's notifications for attention. Professing love, dropping phone numbers in comment boxes. Sending dick pictures on metro trains just to get a girl to think about you for a millisecond, and it's never worth it.
It's surprising how eager we are for someone- anyone's validation that to like something, you must actually tell the world that you like it. This girl got mad at me the other day because I didn't 'like' her Instagram photos. Ridiculous. (Even more ridiculous is some of you reading this will deny you've participated in this foolishness, or never heard of it) There's a guy I follow on Twitter that will daily tweet a request to women to tweet him back a picture of themselves doing the most 'cry for attention' activities.
And they do it. By the hundreds. It's not him at fault here. It's not the girls that do it. They're doing what they do- and will continue on as long as you thirsty fucks keep faithfully validating it. They got the goods, and they know you have absolutely NO problem looking like a fool to get them. You ever see the majority of the women doing the same for men?
I rest my case here:


(Not really sure if my man was serious, but...y'know. Still) Continuing on...

4.) STOP LEADING WOMEN ON/BE CONSISTENT
Ya'll gotta learn the basics of lying.
Understand that every- EVERY time you lie, it's the truth to the person who hears it.
Meaning- you need to maintain that lie, because it's the truth.
I'm not really going to go into this because the long and short of it is this:
If you don't have the brain capacity to maintain and nurture several lies, don't. If you don't really love a girl, don't tell her you do. If you haven't been thinking about her all day, don't say that you have. Quit calling chicks 'wifey' if she ain't your wife. Catch what I'm throwing? There are plenty of ways to get a girl to open up for you, literally and figuratively, without manipulating her feelings. Hell, the way we're living nowadays a lot of women will gladly give you a sexual NSA relationship. You just need to try being honest with what you really want.
And with that said, don't be that guy that can't trust your girl if you got dirt all up in your closet. You can't be sneaking to look in her phone, and her purse if you ain't doing right yourself.
You shouldn't be asking her where she been all day, and getting mad over her male friends if you got several boppers on your line. It's bass ackwards, and it's gonna play out as a failed attempt to be 'pimpin' (and I say failed, because if you were, she wouldn't be confronting you about your bitches anyway.)

5. LEAVE THE GUN, TAKE THE CANNOLI

One of my favorite scenes in The Godfather is when Clemenza has to ensure some random guy's death. He rides with the target and another guy out to some deserted road. Now, before he begins this journey, his wife tells him to pick up the cannoli before returning home. On the road, Clemenza tells the driver to stop because he has to pee. While depleting his bladder, the guy in the backseat fires three shots into the driver's skull. Clemenza zips his pants walks back to the car, and nonchalantly tells the killer, "Leave the gun. Take the cannoli"
The grotesque murder of an unloyal peer is all in a day's work. But his overall responsibility is to his family. He took a second out the madness to rememeber that he promised his wife her dessert. A life manifesto crammed into six little words. I say this to you to remind you, that if you want to have your cake and eat it too, you need to remember you have a girl at home.
You can't be giving yourself, and your thoughts to this side joint and expect to come home and do the same with the main one. It won't work. Despite what you do out in town, remember to take the cannoli home. Give the main girl the sweet stuff. Give the side joint the dirty work.


now that we got the cardinal rules out the way here's some protips:

  • Fun Times Cost: Invest a creep phone. It's like $15 dollars at any 7-11. That's the number your side pieces should have. Your side joints should never be calling your main line interrupting your bliss. Never answer the creep phone unless you are absolutely by yourself. I don't mean your main joint is sleep upstairs, or she is in the garage. No, fool. Alone! The creep phone should NEVER not be on silent. It lives on silent. Not on vibrate. SILENT. The creep phone lives in a ridiculous place too, like a toolbox, or inside a shoe, inside a shoebox. Be creative, and random. If you invest in this, now you can start doing that text thing again. 
  • Your home is your Sanctuary: Stop letting these side joints come over. You let a girl over your house, because you trying to smash and show you're independent and blah blah, but there's also something going on from her side of this. You're letting her know where you live. And once you let someone know where you live- you open yourself up to pop up visits, angry tantrums on your doorstep, and private detective ass prowling whenever it's suspected you're stepping out.
  • Invest in a spreadsheet/calendar/dry erase board to keep up with your lies:  If you're gonna be out there lying, cheating, and juggling, take your recreational habits seriously and do it right. 
  • Stop spending the night You go over your side joint house, do what you do- then BOUNCE. Don't be that guy passed out sleep in her bed in that photo. 
Later.

P.S. the girl in that twitter pic is my ace Moo. Stalk her HERE. She's fucking beautiful. And sassy.
P.P.S. All the women followers I gained with my last male bashing blogs now hate me.
Love,
Stay curvin' 'em all day, Tony



"My dreams were all my own, I accounted to them to nobody; they were my refuge when annoyed- my dearest pleasure when free." -Mary Shelley; 'Frankenstein' or 'The Modern Prometheus'