Because You Were Home. #30DayMovieChallenge -Day 4: Your Favorite Horror Movie

"...Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn."
                                                           -Alfred Pennyworth (The Dark Knight, 2008)

Jason NEVER scared me.
Freddy was a comedian. Chucky was a ridiculously stupid concept. Mike Myers was just confusing. I've never been moved by America's concept of 'horror' to be honest, Maybe it was because my mother watched a crap load of horror films with me when I was a kid, or maybe that was the first signs of non emotional personality. Who knows?
Then I saw 'The Shining' and while the majority wasn't really a big deal to me, there was one scene that stood out in my head. That really bothered me down to my core.

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy"

You Will Fail Here. #30DayMovieChallenge- Day 3: Your Favorite Adventure Movie

"You lost today, kid. ...but that doesn't mean you have to like it." - Fedora Guy

I didn't have the best relationship with my father as a kid. I still don't.
Apparently neither did Henry Jones Jr., better known as Indiana Jones. In the third installment of the franchise, Indy (Harrison Ford) returns to search for his father, (Sean Connery) who has been abducted by the Nazi party in order to find the Holy Grail. While on the surface, this film is about both Jones finding the artifact- in reality it's about Indiana discovering himself and developing a rapport with his dad.

Nothing to Live For #30DayMovieChallenge- Day 2: The Last Movie You Watched

I met Brian in the lunch line.
It was 1999. He asked me if I wanted my pudding. I'm a bit particular about my food flavors, and tapioca isn't on the 'yes' list.

Fast friends, as often troubled folk are attracted to one another. Brian was the namesake of an elder brother that was killed 17 years prior, Somehow he never stepped out of the shadow of his ghost brother he never met.

He was the first person to say "I don't give a fuck" in front of me; and still to this day is the only person I believed. 

I hadn't thought of Brian for years. Until I saw John Wick. Keanu Reeves returned to the action genre as Wick, aka The Boogeyman, a legendary mob assassin. John retired from his violent life, and settled with a woman who soon after died from an unrevealed illness. John falls into a great depression, and it isn't until he receives a gift, a puppy, from his lover posthumously that life starts to look up. As fate would have it though, the dog is senseless ly murdered by some foolish thieves with ties to his old life. 

I started thinking about Brian because he would often talk about his life, and how he didn't want to be here anymore. By here, he meant Earth. I thought about ambition, and happiness, and that spark we all have that gives us purpose, gives us that hunger for more. 

Brian's purpose was basketball. He loved that game. Obviously more than he loved himself, because after a car accident took the athleticism out of his leg, he killed himself. 

As I was watching John Wick, and its intentional blue hues, and violently delicious choreography, I thought about what happens when that spark we all have is snatched away by circumstances beyond your control. I remember the girls I  hung with adored Brian when he was the school star.  I wasn't exactly a friend of Brian, but I remember talking to him in that cafeteria about how disgusting tapioca is, and days later, he wouldn't be here anymore. 

I wonder...  What my spark is. 

"And from that day forward, Frog-Child and Snake-Child never played together again. By they often sat alone in the sun, thinking about their one day of friendship. "

-African Folk Tale, The Children's Book of Virtue 
Movie: John Wick (2014)
Director: Chad Stahelski
Genre: Action, Shoot 'Em Up
Starring: Keanu Reeves, Willem Dafoe, Alfie Allen
Netflix: Not Yet

It's Not WHO You Love, It's HOW #30DayMovieChallenge- Day 1: Your Favorite Movie

It's been an entire year since the last time I spoke to The Constant.

(Though it must be said, if I removed her from my life, then she really wouldn't be The Constant, would she?)

Last week I was thinking about how far I've come... romantically. 10 years ago, when I was dealing with The Constant, I couldn't bring myself to tell a girl that I loved her, or even give a decent hug. I was a deviant, the pilot of a reckless life. Now, I'm climbing out of a year long relationship with a woman that I considered giving my last name.

I can't help but think... a lot of that evolution started when I became comfortable with who I am. I am the King of Urban Legend. If any woman is ever going to love me, and be with me she's going to have to deal with everything that I've done in the past, because those experiences led me to who I am today.

Which gets me thinking about my favorite movie, because it captured that very life lesson.

In 1997, Chasing Amy hit the world and the brain of young Tescadero, and I instantly fell for it's crude, yet charming way of telling a tale of friendship, society, and the 'expected behaviors' of people dabbling in sex, and romance.

In short, the film is about comic book artists/writers particularly a pair of friends, Holden (Ben Affleck) and Banky. (Jason Lee) It's at a comic convention that Holden meets Alyssa Jones, (Joey Lauren Adams) another comic writer. During a dart game at a nearby bar, Holden and Alyssa discover they are of like minds, and it's obvious Holden has a huge crush on Alyssa, which he feels is mutual, until he learns haphazardly that Alyssa is a lesbian. Holden tries to stow his feelings, but Alyssa caves and reciprocates. This pisses off Banky, and all is well until Holden hears a nasty rumor about Alyssa, that may or may not be true. Emotional anarchy ensues that strengthens, yet at the same time poetically threatens the common ideas of love, friendship, and happiness.

Since the first time I saw this film, it spoke to me.
I related to the wild Alyssa Jones. I understood her plight, the desire to be who you are, without judgement from people who think their life plans, or what they feel is 'normal', should be applied to you. I remember a time in my life when I answered every single stress, or bad feeling in pools of whisky and the embraces of random women of all genres. Maybe I knew their names, maybe I didn't. I remember She asked me, how many women I had been with, and because I thought I loved her (maybe I did) I told her, because I wanted her to know me. I remember hearing the disgust in her voice when I couldn't come up with an answer.

And... for the longest time after that moment, I thought I was the freak. The disgrace.
I allowed someone else to make me feel ashamed of myself. I allowed someone else to make me want to 'better' myself.' Because that's what you do when you are emotionally invested in someone else. You tend to put their  desires above your own. Even if those desires aim to jeopardize the very actions that make you who YOU are.

I was Alyssa Jones.
I'm emotionally handicapped to this day, but now I'm wiser and refuse to allow someone else to dictate my ideas on love, or relationships because they feel that I'm flawed, or not normal.
I changed myself to please somebody who A) didn't appreciate my efforts, and B) isn't interesting to me anymore. I allowed someone else's insecurities to consume me and regret the things I had done to discover myself. Silly me, silly me.

I'm at that age where all my friends are getting married, or having kids... And I'm crushing on people is like to think only as friends and is just a clusterfuck of everything. 

But that's the funny thing about love, everybody has their ideas of how it works- and we're all wrong. It's not who you love. There's no good guy, or bad woman. It's how you love. Sadly, some will never understand that. Since giving up on The Constant, I've been involved with The Variable and The Substitute, and many others in pursuit of The Candidate. I've allowed many people to love me, and I've displayed some feelings as well. Each experience has brought something different out of me, and I'm pretty sure I've done the same for them...
but ...well. You know.

Hell, maybe you aren't in my shoes, or Alyssa's maybe you're on the other side of the equation. The point is, STOP letting dumb shit prevent you from being happy. And maybe step out on that limb and tell that friend,  or that girl that works at the coffee house that you like her. You never know. I'm just rambling at this point. 

Aight, peace

Movie: Chasing Amy (1997)
Director: Kevin Smith
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance
Starring: Ben Affleck, Joey Lauren Adams, Jason Lee
Netflix Streaming: Yes