Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Chasing the elusive 'Mother'

So I've been on and off watching this little popular show called, "How I Met Your Mother" I fell in love with the pilot, then the first season, then followed by the second... kinda groaned my way through the third, all while realizing: As a writer, and comic book fiend, (which means that I'm a continuity Nazi) I believe this show was doomed from the first episode.


Let me take a moment to explain.
(Ignore this next paragraph if you've watched the show.)
The show is about the main character, Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor) with narration by Bob Saget, who in the year 2030 recounts to his (pre or early teen- it's never identified) son and daughter the events that led to his meeting their mother, which explains the title and allows for a narration in the past tense. How I Met Your Mother follows Ted alongside his friends Lily (Alyson Hannigan), Marshall (Jason Segel), Robin (Cobie Smulders), and Barney (Neil Patrick Harris). The pilot opens with Ted sitting his daughter and son down to tell them the (long version) story of how he met their mother. The scene flashes back to 2005 and the story goes forth from there introducing several women Ted dates that teaches him something that will affect his future, all while keeping who the woman he will marry and have two children with (or as fans call her, the Mother) a secret. Which, with the addition of Neil Patrick Harris' breakout character, has been the main attraction to the show. 


So, we are now three episodes into season 7, and Ted has once again bumped into a major girlfriend (and by far my favorite out of all of misses-pun intended) from season 1. The baker, Victoria. Which led into some slight foreshadowing over the upcoming love triangle between Robin, Barney and Ted. I personally loved this character since her debut in Drumroll Please but it got me thinking. They really have to wrap this show up soon because if the kids are about 15 in the pilot, that means he had the kids in 2015, and knowing Ted, he probably is already married to her before he has children with her. Then it hit me. It  sort of became obvious (at least to me) who the Mother might be, and I'll gladly share my theory with you. 
So, let's start out with the FACTS that Ted has revealed about the Mother. (Note: It's also been shown that future Ted is probably an unreliable narrator, he's smudged a couple things for the sake of his children's ears, i.e. marijuana use and sexual acts.)
  • Ted definitely meets the mother in New York. (Lucky Penny)
  • Ted has NOT met the Mother yet. He tells his children that when he did meet her he called her right away. [that same night] (Three Days Rule) He has not yet done so with any woman shown. He also reveals to his children that the Mother laughed when he told his 'shellfish-selfish' joke. No other woman has done that.(Double Date
  • The Mother is in college as of 2009. (Season 4) In the episode Definitions, Ted is teaching his first class at Columbia University and he reveals to his children that he is not only in the wrong classroom, (he was in the Economics class) but the Mother was in that class. 
  • While teaching at Columbia, Ted briefly dates a student named Cindy. Cindy is the Mother's roommate. (Girls Versus Suits) In the same episode, it's revealed that the Mother is interested in a lot of the things Ted is also into. Ted also catches a glimpse of her heel as she runs into her bedroom. 
  • Future Ted reveals he is the best man at a wedding, and he finally meets the Mother at that wedding. (Big Days) Later, in Challenge Accepted it is revealed that the wedding is Barney's.
  • Ted has already married and had his two children by 2021. This is revealed in Garbage Island when he runs into Wendy the waitress and tells her so. This is further supported several episodes later in The Exploding Meatball Sub when 2021 is shown again, Ted is wearing a wedding ring. 

There are plenty of other factors we could talk about, but in my opinion, it's all filler. These are definite. 

This leads to my theory. The Mother is Barney's half sister, Carly Whittaker. She has never been shown, and she has only been mentioned. (Legendaddy) In fact, the only thing they've revealed about her is that she's in college. But I base my theory on: 
  • She's in college. (I just said that.)
  • Since she's Barney's sister, she'll most likely be at his wedding.
  • Barney has absolutely no reservations with flirting with and attempting to sleep with Ted's sister, (even though it goes against his own 'Bro Code: Article 3') Heather, so it's probably the same vice versa. (Little Minnesota)
  • Future Ted also frequently refers to his friends as 'aunt' or 'uncle' when he mentions them to his kids. Barney frequently refers to Ted as his best friend, and claims that he is Ted's to which Ted has repeatedly denied, and said Marshall is his best friend. A guy referring to his best friend to his children as 'uncle' is normal- a lot of men refer to their best friends do it. Since Lily is Marshall's wife, this would sort of explain her referral as 'Aunt Lily'. If Carly is the Mother, then Barney's 'uncle' title would be literal. So would Robin's if she winds up marrying Barney- but that's another conversation.
  • Usually, in a mystery- the culprit is the character that has been mentioned but not shown frequently. most writers don't mention a character unless that character becomes essential to the story at some point. It's a waste of time to do so if the character has no place. Example. A character in a story may have a living mother, BUT her name probably won't be mentioned if she isn't going to have a place in the tale later on. Think about it. Even though she wasn't shown, they went out of their way to reveal Barney DOES have a half-sister, and she IS off in college. Even though it really had nothing to do with the plot of the episode. (again, see: Legendaddy)
  • It's implied that the kid's mother is a brunette, in the episode Shelter Island It's revealed what his children would've looked like with a blonde mother. (or rather with Stella) Since Carly's brother J.J. has brown hair, (again, Legendaddy) odds are Carly will also have brown hair.  

Anyway, that's my theory- and until further hints drop- that's what I'm sticking to. Sorry I'm so long winded. Feel free to comment and call me an idiot. 
So back to my 'the show is doomed' line from earlier. Well they've locked themselves into quitting at 2015, no matter how successful the show is, or how much the studio wants to continue. They need to come to an end at 2015. Not only that, but they have to somehow keep Ted interesting, and sweet enough (which they are failing at) that we even give a damn about him finding his true love. Personally, Ted has been getting on my nerves ever since he broke up with Robin, (technically Victoria, but I forgave him) It's hard not to see his blatant douchebaggery with each passing season. And it seems the longer the show drags on with this mysterious premise, the more ridiculous Barney's antics get. Which, it could be argued that his antics are only ridiculous because of Ted's horrible and unnecessary (at times) storytelling, but I digress. 




UPDATE
As of May 14, 2012... my theory is still on track with being correct. In the episode, The Magician's Code it is revealed that Barney does indeed end up marrying Robin and Ted is the best man at that wedding. 


Also, at a bar the other night- I was speaking to someone about the show and then thought it'd be totally hilarious if the Mother was not the wife. Illegitimate children, rule! lol. 
...but then it'd be too much like Definitely, Maybe

Friday, September 23, 2011

Were (We're) with Friends -Part 3: Perspicacity


continued from Part 2: Quandary (<---clicky)

Finally.
So we've established that you've been 'zoned' and you tried to escape that dreadful area to no avail. It's simply time to pick another target. But not so fast! Don't cut that girl off! Only inexperienced and small minded guys freak out because they've been sent to the zone. Maybe because they feel it's so closely tied to rejection. Regardless, there are benefits to keeping the girl around. Believe it or not there are some really good benefits to being in the friend zone. Don't believe me? I'll show you. In fact, to make this interesting- I'll compare each benefit with a TV platonic male/female relationship that illustrate my point. Now, without further ado- Let's get on with it:

1.) No other guys will take advantage of being there with you. (Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy [30 Rock])


...and by being there, I mean the friend zone. Think about it. Most women aren't gonna have more than one guy occupying the coveted 'main guy friend' spot. They usually aren't looking for one, and no other guys ever take advantage of it. Sure, she'll have male friends, but you need to be that main one. The guy who she tells what turns her on and all her embarrassing details. Because you're going to turn that shit around and use it for other girl experiments. With no other guys around, it becomes much easier for you to reap the other following rewards of being in the zone. See, most guys can't deal with rejection and cut off all ties with the girl that rejects them. Unless she's a scandalous, selfish, skank, this is stupid. Sure, getting turned down isn't any fun, but if you're confident in yourself and don't take everything personally, you'll be a different type of attractive to the female community. (i.e. her social circle) Trust me. The poontang will come rolling in, if you're playing your cards right.

2.) There's the possibility of being more... (Jerry Seinfeld and Elaine Benes [Seinfeld])


The possibility of becoming more than a friend is the main and most obvious reason why guys stay in the friend zone with girls. You two exist in a  little world where everyone wonders if you two are sleeping with each other. But you're not, even though you interact like an old married couple. She knows that, her friends know that, your friends know that. Don't try to hide it. Now, when it comes to women that have strong will, this possibility of 'being more' may never become reality. However, if you know what you're doing and have patience, you can turn things around in your favor. Mind you, you really shouldn't be trying 'turn things around' unless you're truly in love with her. If you chose to stay in the friend zone for this reason, the you gotta be patient. If you're here just for an opportunity to smash, you're pathetic. And she's probably going to see through your bullshit. If ou truly love her, don't suffocate the girl with your affection- then you're gonna try too hard, which will lead to you being needy. She has put you in a place where she feels comfortable, and if you're going to be her friend, you have to come to terms with that. Now, maybe she needs sex from you. That can be accomplished as long you know what it is before you hop in those sheets. Is this boredom sex? Is this counseling and consoling sex? Whatever it is, if you're solid in the friend zone- it ain't let's get together sex. It's 'you're the penis I trust the most at this time, and I need a penis sex' Can you handles that honestly?? Play your position.
Of course, this can also lead to a deeply intimate relationship, which if it fails, the friendship is screwed...so be smart. 


3.) Building your confidence. (Chandler Bing and Monica Geller-before they slept together. [Friends])


Being in the friend zone also means that by becoming friends with more girls, you'll be able to improve your confidence and comfort level around them. This is extremely helpful if you don't have very much experience and want to be more relaxed and natural around them. This will unwittingly prepare you for future interactions with other women. Spending time around other girls, makes being on a date a lot more natural, aside from trying to sleep with the new girl, it'll kinda be like hanging with your friend- which equals a less stressful time for you.
The only foreseeable downside to becoming comfortable around girls is when you become too comfortable being around girls, you may soften up, or become too crafty and change for the worse. Even worse, you may become that guy that she tells all her big dick fantasy lady stuff to. But maybe you can handle that, because again, that just invites you into their brain. If you can handle that, make sure you are yourself around girls and don't change yourself to fit in with them. NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY.

4.) Opportunities to meet new women. (Ted Mosby and Robin Sherbatsky [How I Met Your Mother])


This one is for all you opportunists out there. Being in this position gives you new opportunities to meet new women. Double points if they're her friends. If you are outgoing enough you'll end up meeting friends of the girl who friend zoned you, which can grow your pool of dating prospects. This will make it easier for you to bounce back and recover after being put in the friend zone. The more often you find yourself in the friend zone, the more opportunities you'll find to meet new women. This will help speed up the process of finding the right girl for you. Maybe you can't grab a girl from her friend list. Fine. Girls are really good at tracking and hunting down future prospects. Even being with your lady friend in a bar increases your chances of meeting a new woman. Think of them as a dog on a duck hunt. Remember it's the female lions that hunt...and when you got a good lady friend in your corner, hunt. they. shall. 

5.) Free Advice from a Woman's Perspective (Michael Scott and Pam Beesly-Halpert [The Office])

This is the last and arguably the most beneficial reason. If you can manage to stay in the friend zone with the girl without shuffling her off to the limbo of insignificance then you'll have a reliable source of free dating and relationship advice as long as she's around. This will definitely come in handy when you need to work through some issues with future prospects, and it's A) not as embarrassing talking to her as opposed to your male friends; and B) her advice probably won't be as idiotic as his may. So take advantage of this kind of advice if you ever need it. C) She may even repair the damage you did to some other woman.

And there you have it. Hopefully I've done my part in the male community and helped my brothers out there. If I haven't, oh well. You were probably destined for failure from the beginning. Happy hunting!

"My dreams were all my own, I accounted to them to nobody; they were my refuge when annoyed- my dearest pleasure when free." -Mary Shelley; 'Frankenstein' or 'The Modern Prometheus'