A Festivus... for the rest of us!

Because of my own demented upbringing, I don't celebrate Christmas. I haven't celebrated that foul 'holiday' since I was 14. I'll never celebrate it again. At first, I just embraced my inner grinch and stayed away from folk who decided to share their merriment with everyone. Then one day in 1997, I saw the answer.

It was in an episode of Seinfeld called, 'The Strike'
The answer was the very real holiday introduced in the episode: Festivus
Now, every year I try to get more and more folk to celebrate this wonderful holiday with me by explaining to them via a blog entry exactly how it's done. (That is, if they haven't seen the episode.) This is this year's explanation.

How to celebrate Festivus.
Level of difficulty: Low
Requirements: Friends/Family, An Alluminum Pole, holiday food, An athletic supporter (optional)

1. Festivus Dinner: Festivus is celebrated on the eve of December 23rd. The participants shall gather wherever the pole aluminum pole will be showcased, (the pole has no actual purpose, it's just a clever replacement for a Christmas tree) to partake in the Festivus dinner. A classic example of Festivus dinner spread is meatloaf or ham, with a cake decorated with M&M's. The less care put into it, the better.
2. The Airing of Grievances: Immediately after dinner is served, everyone takes turns lashing out at others and the world about how they have been dissapointed all year.
3. The Feats of Strength: The final tradition of Festivus, which takes place (during the dinner or immediately after it) The head of the household (or the host of the event) selects one person at the celebration, and challenges that person to a wrestling match. The person may decline the match however, tradition states Festivus is not over until the head of the household has been pinned in a wrestling match. Failing to pin the head of the household, results in Festivus continuing until the requirement is met.

That's it! Another tradition is the identifying of "Festivus Miracles" which some negative people have said is simply the labelling of easily explainable events.


...death to those guys. Hope you all celebrate!

They're coming... as fast as they can.

I never understood the people that needed to be in a relationship. Like, needed the shit. You know, the people that get out of one relationship, and before you can blink are knee deep in the next one. That has always bugged me. It's almost as if in their rush to have someone love them, they forgot to be loved by the most important person in the equation: themselves.

How can you understand and want to be with someone else when you aren't even sure what it is that makes you tick? Do you know what your favorite book is? Do you know if you like to watch the leaves turn from green to autumn red in the solidarity of your favorite trail? Do you know if you like to simply cut on some Jack Johnson and sit on the shitter 40 minutes longer than you actually have to?

Nah. You don't... but I bet you know what several of your exes like to do, and what makes them happy.

I just don't understand that.
If you can't tolerate your own shortcomings- what makes you think you can tolerate someone else's?
Who said you had to be married and bearing child at 25?

It's my belief that a lot of folk have taken the desire to be happy, and be connected to someone, so far that they jump directly into the arms of the first person that appears to give a damn. Then they're all miserable when it doesn't work out. I get my share of shit talk because I've slept with X amount of women at my age, with not many major relationships but really, it's just as bad as you being 'in love' that many times at the same age. That's not the way it should be at all. The way I'm playing this game, I plan to be in love no more than 3 times. The love of my life, will be THE love of my life.
You shouldn't have to settle for something just because that's what's available. You deserve what fits you. If for no other reason than simply because you're investing the greatest currency you will ever own on this Earth. Your time. Spend it wisely.

Learn yourself, love yourself, then learn and love someone else. Take your time. It's not conceited to be sure of what you want and determined to get it. It's tenacious. Go for it. Stop giving 100% to everyone that comes along, because you won't have anything left for the right one. I personally don't believe in soulmates- (you know-that person born to be with you.) but I do believe that there's someone out there that will compliment ever color and style you showcase. Wait for them. They are coming as fast as they can.

...or at least, that's how I feel.

[clip from "How I Met Your Mother" Season 4, Episode 23- As Fast As She Can]