Recently, I was attracted to this girl, and I kinda failed. Well, not really- because I didn't really put forth a solid effort- well, whatever. The point is, I ended up in that foul region of platonic hell that most guys dread.
THE FRIEND ZONE
First, let's recognize exactly what the 'friend zone' is. See, the way I've observed it- women aren't so black and white as we are, they can't do it anywhere and anytime as easily as we can because with them it usually comes with an onslaught of other dizzying and (to us) totally unnecessary emotions. So to most women, a male friend is the best of both worlds. She can get all the shoulder crying, strength, solid advice, concrete decision making, common sense (usually) and etc. without the web of hormonal problems that sex brings to the table. Men aren't usually strapped with the same mentally crippling thoughts that women are- in fact it's kinda the opposite. Guy likes girl, he wants to express his feelings between the sheets. Case closed.
In some cases- it seems like the female brain can't process that kind of rationale. Instead, it almost instantaneously segregates any man it meets into two categories. Either he's a lover, or a friend. (Now it's quite possible that one man can in the course of that relationship fulfill both roles, however this is usually the result of the male either breaking through the friend zone, or being demoted to the friend zone once it's revealed that he can't handle the former.) Once the woman has quarantined you over to the friend camp, it's all but impossible for her to see you in any other light. What makes it worse is how she kinda forces you to still act like the dicks she's currently "sexploiting"- YOU KNOW- paying for her meals, getting that thing she likes, lifting that heavy couch she just bought, all without the fringe benefit of tapping that ass.
A lot of guys foolishly believe that if they act like that great friend, or romantic counselor, they can "sneak past" the defenses into her heart, or at least their underwear. In my experience, this only works in movies and crazy women.
...and then there are times when your timing just fucking sucks. She just got out of a shitty relationship- or she's an emotional cripple or whatever. Either way, you're all liking her and shit and she's just looking to drown her sorrows and make some slutty decisions without blatantly being slutty. ...and you're too fucking busy trying to be Prince Charming.
Whatever the case may be- it's my belief that if you get put into one, ABORT.
However, maybe you really and truly like this woman and you want to give it your all without being a psycho stalker who just can't take a hint. We have to first identify if you are in the friend zone. In this chapter of this topic, I will show you what I think are MY tell signs if you've been "ZONED" (as my friends call it)
(starting from the most obvious)
1. She be drooling over other guys.
Yeah, that's when you take her out and she casually mentions how cute the guy who poured her beer was, or she proudly states how the guy who goes in the back to get her shoe can give her a baby, or how the guy who counted her deposit at the bank makes her want to church faint...etc. etc.
2. When you hang out, she brings a third wheel.
So... you asked her out. You bragged to all your friends that you two were gonna kick it. SWEET. You go meet up with her, and Ohhhhhh...she's bringing her best friend... or her roommate....or her co-worker...
3. She doesn't touch you.
...and by this I mean, she doesn't casually slap your knee when she's laughing, she doesn't put her arm around you when posing for pictures, no contact whatsoever. Maybe she hugs you when she's leaving your presence, but that's it. She's not touching you, bro. You know what I'm talking 'bout.
4. She asks you for favors.
She got you helping her move, and lifting boxes and shit... she got you giving her rides... she got you letting her borrow money, and you're just an awesome buddy. Good lookin' out kid!
5. She keeps a weird distance in public.
Okay, so maybe she DID invite you to the bar she was at. But it's not your bad jokes that has her sitting at the table while you're on the dance floor...and speaking of your bad jokes...
6. She doesn't laugh at your corny/tasteless jokes
Usually girls that are into you give you sympathy chuckles when you're stinking up the car with your horrible Tosh.O impersonations, but all she's giving you is the cue to shut the fuck up.
7. She doesn't do anything you're interested in
Every time you suggest something, she tells you that it sounds cool, but she never actually participates in the activity. Something always comes up, or she says it's too hard to figure out. In some cases, she may just straight up and down say she doesn't care for the activity. Either way, she ain't down.
8. She talks about other girls you should be interested in
If she's really trying to hook you up with her friend, then she's not concerned with taking you off the shelf herself. This also applies with her coaxing you to man up and talk to the girl that just walked past- or coaching you to prepare for the next girl that comes along.
9. There's no awkward moments... or sexual tension
You feel awkward because you 're nervous and you're hoping today is the day that you say something magical that will finally give you a tour of her baby factory. She barely even notices it. She mentions to you when she takes shits, and she probably picks her nose in front of you. It's all good, because she doesn't need to be sexy for YOU. You're her buddy!
10. She introduces you to others as: "This is my friend..."
Finally, the most obvious and sometimes vital clue. Like men, a lot of women approach that weird dating phase of new relationships the same way men do.Usually, when you're not sure what a person is, or when a person isn't that endearing to you it shows when you introduce them to others. Seriously. Look for it next time you're out and about. Notice how you may something like, "Hey Joe! This is Lisa. She works with me." with some folk, and "Hey Joe! This is my homegirl Kelly!" with others.
She blatantly labelled you as a friend to whoever she introduced you to. Unless she agreed with you prior that your affair would be secret, Game Over, bro. Game Over.
And that's pretty much it. (Well, at least from my perspective) If you're experiencing 2-3 of any combination of those, chances are you've been ZONED. But don't worry. It's not the end of the world. Now that you can recognize the signs, it's time to ditch that dead end and bounce to something new. However... maybe you're a stubborn SOB and you refuse to let this one go. Maybe she's got a snatch made of platinum. I don't know. Hopefully, that's your excuse. And if it is...then mosey on over to Part 2. CLICK HERE
First, let's recognize exactly what the 'friend zone' is. See, the way I've observed it- women aren't so black and white as we are, they can't do it anywhere and anytime as easily as we can because with them it usually comes with an onslaught of other dizzying and (to us) totally unnecessary emotions. So to most women, a male friend is the best of both worlds. She can get all the shoulder crying, strength, solid advice, concrete decision making, common sense (usually) and etc. without the web of hormonal problems that sex brings to the table. Men aren't usually strapped with the same mentally crippling thoughts that women are- in fact it's kinda the opposite. Guy likes girl, he wants to express his feelings between the sheets. Case closed.
In some cases- it seems like the female brain can't process that kind of rationale. Instead, it almost instantaneously segregates any man it meets into two categories. Either he's a lover, or a friend. (Now it's quite possible that one man can in the course of that relationship fulfill both roles, however this is usually the result of the male either breaking through the friend zone, or being demoted to the friend zone once it's revealed that he can't handle the former.) Once the woman has quarantined you over to the friend camp, it's all but impossible for her to see you in any other light. What makes it worse is how she kinda forces you to still act like the dicks she's currently "sexploiting"- YOU KNOW- paying for her meals, getting that thing she likes, lifting that heavy couch she just bought, all without the fringe benefit of tapping that ass.
A lot of guys foolishly believe that if they act like that great friend, or romantic counselor, they can "sneak past" the defenses into her heart, or at least their underwear. In my experience, this only works in movies and crazy women.
...and then there are times when your timing just fucking sucks. She just got out of a shitty relationship- or she's an emotional cripple or whatever. Either way, you're all liking her and shit and she's just looking to drown her sorrows and make some slutty decisions without blatantly being slutty. ...and you're too fucking busy trying to be Prince Charming.
Whatever the case may be- it's my belief that if you get put into one, ABORT.
However, maybe you really and truly like this woman and you want to give it your all without being a psycho stalker who just can't take a hint. We have to first identify if you are in the friend zone. In this chapter of this topic, I will show you what I think are MY tell signs if you've been "ZONED" (as my friends call it)
(starting from the most obvious)
1. She be drooling over other guys.
Yeah, that's when you take her out and she casually mentions how cute the guy who poured her beer was, or she proudly states how the guy who goes in the back to get her shoe can give her a baby, or how the guy who counted her deposit at the bank makes her want to church faint...etc. etc.
So... you asked her out. You bragged to all your friends that you two were gonna kick it. SWEET. You go meet up with her, and Ohhhhhh...she's bringing her best friend... or her roommate....or her co-worker...
3. She doesn't touch you.
...and by this I mean, she doesn't casually slap your knee when she's laughing, she doesn't put her arm around you when posing for pictures, no contact whatsoever. Maybe she hugs you when she's leaving your presence, but that's it. She's not touching you, bro. You know what I'm talking 'bout.
4. She asks you for favors.
She got you helping her move, and lifting boxes and shit... she got you giving her rides... she got you letting her borrow money, and you're just an awesome buddy. Good lookin' out kid!
5. She keeps a weird distance in public.
Okay, so maybe she DID invite you to the bar she was at. But it's not your bad jokes that has her sitting at the table while you're on the dance floor...and speaking of your bad jokes...
6. She doesn't laugh at your corny/tasteless jokes
Usually girls that are into you give you sympathy chuckles when you're stinking up the car with your horrible Tosh.O impersonations, but all she's giving you is the cue to shut the fuck up.
Every time you suggest something, she tells you that it sounds cool, but she never actually participates in the activity. Something always comes up, or she says it's too hard to figure out. In some cases, she may just straight up and down say she doesn't care for the activity. Either way, she ain't down.
8. She talks about other girls you should be interested in
If she's really trying to hook you up with her friend, then she's not concerned with taking you off the shelf herself. This also applies with her coaxing you to man up and talk to the girl that just walked past- or coaching you to prepare for the next girl that comes along.
9. There's no awkward moments... or sexual tension
You feel awkward because you 're nervous and you're hoping today is the day that you say something magical that will finally give you a tour of her baby factory. She barely even notices it. She mentions to you when she takes shits, and she probably picks her nose in front of you. It's all good, because she doesn't need to be sexy for YOU. You're her buddy!
10. She introduces you to others as: "This is my friend..."
She blatantly labelled you as a friend to whoever she introduced you to. Unless she agreed with you prior that your affair would be secret, Game Over, bro. Game Over.
And that's pretty much it. (Well, at least from my perspective) If you're experiencing 2-3 of any combination of those, chances are you've been ZONED. But don't worry. It's not the end of the world. Now that you can recognize the signs, it's time to ditch that dead end and bounce to something new. However... maybe you're a stubborn SOB and you refuse to let this one go. Maybe she's got a snatch made of platinum. I don't know. Hopefully, that's your excuse. And if it is...then mosey on over to Part 2. CLICK HERE
