Further Instructions [Code of the Tescadero, Law of #TeamAwesome]

A LONG time ago, I wrote a set of rules. A "bro code" if you will, (which I stayed away from that term- due to the negativity 'bro' was getting at the time- i.e. "Bro Rape" [YouTube it]) I kept the rules to myself, except to my friend Brown Sugar  in one of my old blogs, and then she responded here, and here too ...annd Here. Ultimately because I thought they were kind of silly, but with the recent success of the character Barney on 'How I Met Your Mother' I've decided to post some of it here. (Sidenote: I use the word Bro here a lot, but it's synonymous with 'man')


Article 1: The Code of One. 
Codes:

1.  Bros before Ho's  I don't think I have to explain this.
2. A man shall never have a dog that can fit into a purse when full grown.Naming your bitch dog something cool like 'Killer' or 'Rambo' doesn't fucking count either
3. A Bro should be able to play at least one sport that requires heavy physical activity.Hunting only counts if you do it with a knife.
4.  A man never admits he can't drive a stick- even after an accident.
5. A man knows how to change the oil, battery and tires on his car.He may not DO IT, but he knows how it's done.
6. Bros don't give themselves nicknames.
7. A man never dances with his hands above his head....unless he is fist pumping... which in itself is purely comedic
8. A woman can be a Bro....but it doesn't automatically make her one because she's gay. 
9. A man never lets his Bro get a tattoo of a woman's name.
10.  Men don't window shop.
11. Men don't lie on their dick. 
    which basically means, 'Men don't claim they slept with women they have NOT slept with.'
12. Bros can never call each other 'Bro'
    'Bruh', 'Guy', and other non-suspect terms are acceptable
13. Men don't hate on, or kill another man's chances with a woman.
14. Even in a death match, a man never hits another man in the groin.
15. Men don't cry in front of others.
    Unless you're watching "Field Of Dreams", watching a sports legend retire, or your Dad died.  
16. If a man and another man are sitting in close quarters and their bare legs are touching and one realizes they are minutes later, he is to separate them and make no out loud mention of how uncomfortable that was.
17. A man never publicly reveals how many woman he's banged.
    No exceptions. It always leads to something bad. If you must shut someone up, add your current age, the date they asked and divide by how hot the girl is that asked. 
18. A man never pressures a girl or tries to get a girl to go back on her decision to not sleep with him.
    Don't appear desperate, and leave "let me just put the tip in" in your teenage years.
19. A man never has to let his presence be known in a petty situation.
    i.e. If a woman's on the phone, and you feel the urge to suddenly ask where the lunch meat is.
20. A Bro must always keep his woman sexually satisfied. 
    ...if she leaves you because you made her feel inadequate, never tell anyone. In fact, forget. You know, that's one too many.
21. A man will never whine, nor throw a hissy fit, nor initiate giving his woman 'The Silent Treatment.'
    Talk that shit out, get over it. All that other shite, leave to women.

Article 2: The Wingman [This chapter can be confusing... you may want to copy and print this down to wallet size]


1. A man can only be labelled a Wingman if another Bro appoints him as such
2. The rank of Wingman goes as follows: (from lowest to highest)

• Pvt. Joker- (Has had at least 3 prior girlfriends)
• Jester- (Has had at least 3 priors and has at least dumped 2 of them)
• Animal Mother- (Has had a one-night stand-[aka homerun] , and has hooked up a Bro before + lower rank reqs.)
• Viper- (Has had at least 1 "certified" [validated by other bros or her] homerun, been with over 10 different women and  lower rank reqs.)
• Hollywood- (Has had at least two "certified" clingers, successfully hooked up at least two Bros with women, and all lower rank reqs.)
• Quagmire- (All lower rank reqs., 3 homeruns, and has certifiably slept with 20+ different women with two of the women being friends)
• Goose- (All lower rank reqs., and slept with more than 20 different women and has hooked up at least 4 different Bro's with a girl, and has performed a recovery [the act of talking to a Bro's girlfriend to get her to take him back if he's in the doghouse])
• Iceman- (All lower rank reqs., and has hooked up 4 different Bros with all 4 leading to a one-night stand [aka R.B.I.s], has "beaned" a relationship [aka broken up a Bro and his horrible girlfriend] and has "taken one for team" [a.k.a. the sacrifice bunt] at least once)
• Maverick- (All lower rank reqs., 20 R.B.I.s, 6 homeruns, slept with over 30 different women, 5 sacrifice bunts, 80% reliability standing, and has performed the recovery play 3 times or more)
• Yoda- (This man is a LEGEND. This rank is only seen once in a lifetime. All lower rank reqs. and every woman he talks to, it seems he's already sleeping with her. Follow him into war blindly.)

3. Wingmen NEVER reveal sexual history of their boy to a woman.
4. Wingmen always alerts their boys to the presence of a fine woman even if he is with his own woman- non verbal alerts, (i.e. telepathic jedi tricks, ice throwing, eye-redirecting and shin kicking) are greatly encouraged. 
5. Wingmen will make any and all efforts to provide their boy with protection, and assistance ejecting from a sticky situation.  
6. Wingmen can roll in threes, but not fours. (i.e. 3 Musketeers, 3 Amigos, 3 the Hard Way)
7. Wingmen always support the ridiculous lies of his boy when running game. 
8. Wingmen always show up to parties with one more unit of alcohol than they plan to drink.
9. A Wingman is required to pass immediate judgement on any woman their boy is initiating conversation with in the pursuit- with a subtle communication understanding. (i.e. Thumbs up, thumbs down)


Article 3: Bros and Non-Bro Relations

1. Bros don't sleep with their boy's sister. (...and if you think Mom, kill yourself.)
   Unless permission was given prior. Said Bro will suck it up and move on if reason request was denied is solid. i.e. "Dude, you're a ho. You slept around with your last 3 girlfriends"
2. A man never gives control of the remote control to a woman. 
3. A man should always tell his boy if his woman is cheating on him.
   A Bro should always consider that his bro is telling him the truth and not run back to his woman telling her what he just told him, without settling the situation.
4. A man never reveals things that their boy has placed in "the vault"
   ...and on that note, a man never volunteers what the keys to his vault are.  
5. A man should never leave his boy stranded (in any sense) just because his girlfriend wants him to stay home.
   Unless going to save said Bro leads to danger or trouble, or it's an actual special occasion at home. (There is no such thing as a 6 month anniversary)
6. When performing the "London Bridge" (aka The H position, or the Devil's Tricycle) two men never look at each other in the face. 
7. When questioned by a woman in a fashion that leads to an argument, a man always decries, deflects and diverts. 
   failed ex. Woman: "Her ass is so ugly in that dress" Man:"It's not that bad" Woman: "That's because you like those trifling hos!"
8. A man never blames foul behavior on his boy.
   Unless his boy already knows about the situation and doesn't give a damn.
9. No man shall ever admit attraction to his boy's girlfriend.
   If they are no longer together, it's fine. Unless, she was referred to as his "first love" or "the one that got away" This also includes sex, which even if it is fine, it's only okay if she initiates it, and it can be proven that SHE did later.
10. If a man's girlfriend cannot respect the bond of a man's best boy- then she becomes dump able. (...but this is not enough cause to dump her.)
    His wife, is a totally different category- however, even she should respect that his boy is the other half of the emotional anchor.

This is all I'm going to post for now. 
Absorb that and study it. (lol) We'll get to the rest and discuss later.