IRIS.

Iris- The Goo Goo Dolls

Usually this type of post would be under the 'Revolutions Per Minute' tab... Ya know, it’s funny.
Sometimes you can be staring off into space, and that random shuffle on your iTunes will land directly in the middle of the mental quagmire you didn’t realize you were in.

Iris landed next to me 49 minutes ago. 

I saw City of Angels twice. Once when it was originally released, and then another time with a girl. If I never see it again, I’ll be fine. I’ve never been a fan of romance films, because my brain usually rips their silly, predictable, and over-saturation of cheesy situations to shreds. …City of Angels was a little different.

There were several conflicts at play here. 
It was sad. The sacrifice and immediate swift kick in the nuts- was devastating. But the main conflict, was that this theme of love and sacrifice was all too familiar. Allow me to expand...

I used to be …”loose”

My underwear were a burden and they were easily cast off to most women that came along. Long story short, despite the warnings from my body that I needed to quit, put away my phallic toy, and focus on strengthening me-  I actually did not until I met a woman. A special woman. A woman that I fell for, put away my childish toys and games, only for her to suddenly leave and marry someone else. 

Sacrifice. Immediate swift kick in the nuts. #fail.

Now it seems, I spend my time in this weird cycle of sleeping around, courting, or just plain not interested.

And anytime I even consider tearing down my barriers, I think that I’m cut from some strange hybrid theory of academia, conservative thinking, free spirited, non-conforming, pish-posh. Oh, wait-That doesn’t make sense? Welcome to the mire.

I don’t think most will understand, and even if they could, do I want them to?

Sometimes, you go through life- and it all feels like a big game of Hide & Seek, except... there's a big part of you that desperately wants to be found by that someone. You want to be found but you refuse to compromise your morals, your standards. You refuse to be involved in anything not authentic and scripted... and more importantly,
you really don't want to be played, or worse, hurt. 

I've been MVP of that position. It got me nowhere. I wanted- demanded the girl to figure me out with minimal help from me. Certain girls would attempt the ascend up the mountain, and realize it was futile and scale back down. 

And there in lies the rub my friend. 
You don't know what is coming around that corner. Love and life is a gamble. And if you're not out there jumping with blindfolds then you aren't really living. You can't guarantee anything in this life except death, so reveal your hand every now and then, right?

Failure is the end. It's just... I don't know ...learning that this particular way doesn't work.

Uncertainty. That’s really the core of it all, isn’t it? Faith.

Fade to black.

(If you're wondering what this song has to do with the movie, it was written specifically for the film- and pretty much captures the point of the protagonist's conflict.)

 “Iris” performed by The Goo Goo Dolls
City of Angels Soundtrack/ Dizzy Up The Girl

YOU LITTLE FUCK. (Tiny Tirade #2)

I am sick and tired of insecure men walking around with their pants draped below their asses, and their over compensating passive aggressive issues.

What in the fucks. It's almost at that point where I could stop being mad at the guys- and start being angry with the women.. hmm? Maybe. You dumb asses continue to deal with this caliber of gentleman.

I was hanging out with my friend +Christian the other day, along with his girlfriend Cynthia, and her sister. For sake of story, let's call her- Julie. At some point during all this loud, jovial time we were having, Julie's boyfriend calls and she immediately has me be quiet. Not because she's on the phone, and she needs to hear him- because Cynthia starts shushing me. She wants me to be quiet because this boyfriend will get mad and harass her because of some ridiculous reason that I stopped listening to that ultimately boils down to he's an insecure little fuckhead. Or better yet, a jealous one little fuckhead.

Dog.
I'm thirty got damned years old. I'm not shuting up shit for some other man's convenience. Julie starts telling me, "Oh well, if he hears you over here (btw- we are over her parent's house because Cynthia and Julie live at home) he's gonna come over starting shit with her and he may or may not say something to me.

Dog.

The whole idea, and pseudo-threat of some little jackass pretend wanting to fight me, (because really he only wants to intimidate his girlfriend) accusing me of interest in his woman kills me. If I'm over as your girlfriend's sister's company- SHUT ALL OF THE FUCK UP.

That also goes for you motherfuckers that catch attitude when I'm behind the bar doing MY damn job, your girlfriend asks for a drink, I make the shit- smile as I hand it to her and you get all sorts of sand in your vagina over it. I'm SO tired of having to preach this shit to women that deal with this kind of man. (and vice versa, because a jealous ass woman is equally annoying)

And here's my dumb ass:
I tell you nothing good can come from a jealous ass mate.
I point out how stressful it is dealing with them.
I point out the lack of trust.
I point out the obvious possibilities that the jealous one is actually the one doing what's being accused,

...and this is the feeling I end up having at the end of the day, when you stupidly deal with that bullshit, nurturing the nonsense.

Look kiddo, there's a difference between being a jealous asshole and being a self-aware boyfriend/sex partner/etc. Asking your girlfriend who her male friends are? Fine. Telling  and expecting her to remain monogamous to you? Great! That's just stating a sexual preference- and the cornerstone of any healthy relationship.

But don't fucking tarnishing an idea such as sincere desire to be your girlfriend's one and only sex partner with something as base as jealousy.
Trusting your girlfriend when she's out of your sight is not wrong. In fact it's encouraged!

Flipping out when other men notice her, flipping out when you think other men notice her, making furious and baseless accusations of cheating? - JEALOUSY.
Popping up at places? Claiming you want to fight? Because lawd knows you ain't really trying to put up your hands with a guy you don't know in front of your girlfriend. JEALOUSY.

Jealous- because for some odd reason, she's getting, or you think she's getting some type of attention you can't receive yourself. I'm not a shrink, I can't figure that part out- but it is what it is.

And NO MATTER how you cut it, jealousy is controlling/manipulative/abusive behavior masquerading as insecurity. Jealousy is a poison. 

And that's what you are. A sad little insecure poison to society. 

The Last word: