Because of my own demented upbringing, I don't celebrate Christmas. I haven't celebrated that foul 'holiday' since I was 14. I'll never celebrate it again. At first, I just embraced my inner grinch and stayed away from folk who decided to share their merriment with everyone. Then one day in 1997, I saw the answer.
It was in an episode of Seinfeld called, 'The Strike'
The answer was the very real holiday introduced in the episode: Festivus
Now, every year I try to get more and more folk to celebrate this wonderful holiday with me by explaining to them via a blog entry exactly how it's done. (That is, if they haven't seen the episode.) This is this year's explanation.
How to celebrate Festivus.
Level of difficulty: Low
Requirements: Friends/Family, An Alluminum Pole, holiday food, An athletic supporter (optional)
- Festivus Dinner: Festivus is celebrated on the eve of December 23rd. The participants shall gather wherever the pole aluminum pole will be showcased, (the pole has no actual purpose, it's just a clever replacement for a Christmas tree) to partake in the Festivus dinner. A classic example of Festivus dinner spread is meatloaf or ham, with a cake decorated with M&M's. The less care put into it, the better.
- The Airing of Grievances: Immediately after dinner is served, everyone takes turns lashing out at others and the world about how they have been dissapointed all year.
- The Feats of Strength: The final tradition of Festivus, which takes place (during the dinner or immediately after it) The head of the household (or the host of the event) selects one person at the celebration, and challenges that person to a wrestling match. The person may decline the match however, tradition states Festivus is not over until the head of the household has been pinned in a wrestling match. Failing to pin the head of the household, results in Festivus continuing until the requirement is met.
...death to those guys. Hope you all celebrate!
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