"...You don't know about real loss, 'cause that only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much..."
-Robin Williams as Sean Maguire (Good Will Hunting, 1997)
I like a lot of things. I'm fairly indecisive too, so I always cringe a bit when someone asks me, "What's your favorite (insert whatever thing here)?"
For the longest time, I never knew that my favorite drama film was. Then Robin Williams killed himself earlier this year. As the over opinionated masses poured over their keyboards about how this complete stranger affected their lives, I also took a trip back down into some of his works, a couple episodes of Mork & Mindy, the films Aladdin (of course), World's Greatest Dad, Mrs. Doubtfire, The Birdcage, Dead Poets Society, Hook (probably my favorite RW film), and a little independent film from 1997 called Good Will Hunting. It was that night two days after Williams' suicide, I sat in bed watching this film I had not seen in years, that I discovered my favorite drama.
Good Will Hunting (if you haven't seen it before) is about Will (Matt Damon), a blue collared, troubled, self taught genius. Will can solve pretty much any problem except the ones festering within himself. This coupled with his chaotic past sabotages any chance at a real future, until he meets Sean (Robin Williams), an empathetic shrink, and a young woman who help him come to terms with his life and his questionable future. The thing that makes this particular film stand out to me, is that Will is SO troubled when we first meet him. But he's cleverly disguised as mischievous. We suddenly get so wrapped up in his hidden brilliance, that we can't see that this boy needs serious help, not an ego stroking. When Sean realizes this we suddenly are all invited to learn about love, and life and appreciating relationships with friends, and lovers.
Any long time reader of this blog, can understand if I were to connect a couple dots between Will and myself. I'm not a genius, but I definitely have demons. Shadows that seems to grow larger the closer I get to light. Will drowns himself in constant chaos and violence because that's all he knows, while the 'cocky scared shitless kid' within him solves impossible equations when no one is looking. It's implied that he dates women only to have sex with them and discard them, and should he dare fall for one, it's fun and games until she gets too close then an immediate discarding. I totally can relate to all of the above. I've been playing that game all my life. I know what love is, because I've read about it. I've seen it in movies. I know the definition of the word. But as Sean put it, "have I ever woken up next to a woman that makes me truly happy?" Maybe I've even said I love you, to a woman or two. I know I have. YOU know I have. I just wrote about The Constant last week. (Probably going to need to change that name though) But have I ever been in love? Have I truly lived? Or am I just reliving the regurgitated words, and recycled emotions of my predecessors? I think about the choices I made with women, and my career... am I truly happy? What would my life be like today had I taken that plunge? What if I hugged her more? What if I told her that I wanted to be with her? Why did I have to be a coward at that moment? I lost her, and The Constant... and it kinda fucks with me. When I'm thinking about it. Or maybe I'm not really experiencing loss at all. It's all bullshit. All of it.
I'll never know. Because I can sense that then, and even now- I'm Will Hunting. A presumptuous little shit.
No amount of intelligence is going to point in the right direction of questions like that. You only get to those kind of solutions by living through them. By putting down your comforts and stepping out into that brave new world. By letting go. This movie always reminds me of that. It doesn't preach to me, and it doesn't come off as holier than thou. It just speaks.
It's a good thing.
Movie: Good Will Hunting (1997)
Director: Gus Van Sant
Genre: Drama
Starring: Matt Damon, Robin Williams, Ben Affleck, Minnie Driver
Netflix: Yes
-Robin Williams as Sean Maguire (Good Will Hunting, 1997)
For the longest time, I never knew that my favorite drama film was. Then Robin Williams killed himself earlier this year. As the over opinionated masses poured over their keyboards about how this complete stranger affected their lives, I also took a trip back down into some of his works, a couple episodes of Mork & Mindy, the films Aladdin (of course), World's Greatest Dad, Mrs. Doubtfire, The Birdcage, Dead Poets Society, Hook (probably my favorite RW film), and a little independent film from 1997 called Good Will Hunting. It was that night two days after Williams' suicide, I sat in bed watching this film I had not seen in years, that I discovered my favorite drama.
Good Will Hunting (if you haven't seen it before) is about Will (Matt Damon), a blue collared, troubled, self taught genius. Will can solve pretty much any problem except the ones festering within himself. This coupled with his chaotic past sabotages any chance at a real future, until he meets Sean (Robin Williams), an empathetic shrink, and a young woman who help him come to terms with his life and his questionable future. The thing that makes this particular film stand out to me, is that Will is SO troubled when we first meet him. But he's cleverly disguised as mischievous. We suddenly get so wrapped up in his hidden brilliance, that we can't see that this boy needs serious help, not an ego stroking. When Sean realizes this we suddenly are all invited to learn about love, and life and appreciating relationships with friends, and lovers.Any long time reader of this blog, can understand if I were to connect a couple dots between Will and myself. I'm not a genius, but I definitely have demons. Shadows that seems to grow larger the closer I get to light. Will drowns himself in constant chaos and violence because that's all he knows, while the 'cocky scared shitless kid' within him solves impossible equations when no one is looking. It's implied that he dates women only to have sex with them and discard them, and should he dare fall for one, it's fun and games until she gets too close then an immediate discarding. I totally can relate to all of the above. I've been playing that game all my life. I know what love is, because I've read about it. I've seen it in movies. I know the definition of the word. But as Sean put it, "have I ever woken up next to a woman that makes me truly happy?" Maybe I've even said I love you, to a woman or two. I know I have. YOU know I have. I just wrote about The Constant last week. (Probably going to need to change that name though) But have I ever been in love? Have I truly lived? Or am I just reliving the regurgitated words, and recycled emotions of my predecessors? I think about the choices I made with women, and my career... am I truly happy? What would my life be like today had I taken that plunge? What if I hugged her more? What if I told her that I wanted to be with her? Why did I have to be a coward at that moment? I lost her, and The Constant... and it kinda fucks with me. When I'm thinking about it. Or maybe I'm not really experiencing loss at all. It's all bullshit. All of it.
I'll never know. Because I can sense that then, and even now- I'm Will Hunting. A presumptuous little shit.
No amount of intelligence is going to point in the right direction of questions like that. You only get to those kind of solutions by living through them. By putting down your comforts and stepping out into that brave new world. By letting go. This movie always reminds me of that. It doesn't preach to me, and it doesn't come off as holier than thou. It just speaks.
It's a good thing.
Movie: Good Will Hunting (1997)
Director: Gus Van Sant
Genre: Drama
Starring: Matt Damon, Robin Williams, Ben Affleck, Minnie Driver
Netflix: Yes
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