Whatever Happened, Happened [Rarely Pure]

Well...it's been a minute since I TRULY had an adventure. I had been secretly begging for one among the bland school, work, and blah routine.
Well...you know how they say be careful what you wish for...

The night started out simple like this: [Note: Viewing the videos in the story ARE NOT required to understand the story. It just adds a wee bit of comedic depth. Note again: Before the first video starts, I'm already up 4 Jack and Cokes and now, three of those Buds in video 1 are mine.]


and then I decide to partake in this:



and then finally at 3 something, AM...


Now... I'm pretty sure I went home at that point. The bar is right around the corner literally from where I stay. Totally visible from my roof. In fact, I KNOW I went home, because I spoke to @couturekitty on Twitter. But then that lusting demon nature of mine rang out, and I somehow ended up calling a girl that I knew would grant my carnal desires with very little feedback. So I stumble my way back out into the night, and that's when my phone is going bananas. Why?

The trip from my bedroom to the car was about thirty minutes long. And it appears that I managed to drunk dial a couple of folk in between as well. One such call went to my friend Ajax. Ajax is hammered. Ajax is outside my house honking the horn. I tell Ajax that I haven't had anything to drink so I couldn't party like he obviously was. I tell him to take me to the girl's house where he drops me off and promises to comeback in 20 minutes. I do not like this girl. 20 minutes is sufficient.

Ajax is good on his word, and now I'm sweating and covered with woman fumes. I say, "I needs to shower." Ajax, says "Let's take the beers I just got, and go swimming." I say sure, confident that the pool we were going to is legit. Because swimming is definitely like showering, and I'm not thinking to ask where the beers came from at 4 AM.

Meanwhile, the girl is at this point trying to figure out how I'm going to get into my house seeing how I left my keys at her house. So she annoyingly calls me up to ask me will I return. Which, she wants because that's more time I soend with her. I tell her that she needs to cool it down, and she asks me am I drunk. [Note, I can drink for days. but I like to consider myself a time delayed drunk] I'm now hammered. So hammered, that I feel like lying is the best option here. So I say no... she exhales. I jump into the pool.

The water's cool, and the beer- disgusting...oddly familiar... but it's STRONG, so I won't complain. The pool however, belongs to somebody Ajax doesn't even know. So when there's lights inside the house and shouting in our direction... two lightskinneded half naked guys have never ran back to the car faster.

We get back to my house, and I'm LOCKED out. So Ajax says, dude there's a ladder on your garage... and I say, "Hells yes...because the upstairs window should be unlocked." Nevermind, the ladder won't reach the window, nevermind, I am now shit faced gigly drunk. I place my nasty strong beer in my backpocket and up the ladder. Now... talk about good saints... because the girl is out front, and notices two guys climbing around on the garage in the dark. Where she now calls the police. We almost simultaneously come out into the street where she realizes her mistake and she screams at us. Ajax turns to me and says, "It's the pool guy!" and he takes off down the street. Between the screaming, Ajax running, distant sirens and the sudden screeching of tires- I take off after him and we run until we can't run anymore and end up in the field near the train tracks.

I wake up... and it's day light and between our lifeless bodies is a bottle of Thunderbird.
I drag myself down the field with Ajax barely conscious... and get back to my house. I grab the spare key from the next door neighbor and finally, Ajax and I crawl into bed... to recover.

...
For 23 minutes when my hypochondriac sister calls an ambulance and then THAT started...ugh.


"The truth is rarely pure and never simple." -Oscar Wilde