I was talking to my "girlfriend" the other day when it occurred to me that I'm an unwilling participant in some random (well, to me) eccentricities. One of them is, I lately have been championing women's rights. (Yeah, I know right?) The second is something I thought was just a strange coincidence or just a glitch in the Matrix when I noticed it a while ago, (see: MySpace blog, "The Curse") but as of this morning I have no other choice but to acknowledge it now.
Whenever I get involved with a girl, and it gets semi-serious on my end; when we break up, the NEXT person they get involved with, they will
1) Have a child with him.
2) Marry him.
3) Move in with him.
4) Have the greatest Earth-shattering sex they've ever had. (LOL...That only happened once.)
This is the truth. Seriously.
There was "The Constant" and then there was "Miss America" let's not forget Renee, Kyra, Christine, Michelle and Tori. I guess you can add Sarah and Denisha too. It's almost like there could be no worse than me so you had HAD to make that jump immediately after me. LOL. Now I'm not really complaining, nor am I asking to find the love of my life, despite what you decipher my Facebook status/tweets to be.
Until today.
Let me provide you with backstory.
There was a girl I was friends with, we got close...talked everyday. I fell for her. Told her how I felt on Valentine's Day, and she just said..."oh." then proceeded to fall off. No more calls. I backed off abruptly. 'nuff said.
I have a friend that moved far away from here, coincidentally to the area she lives in. I decided to get them together so he can have friends. He hung out, met her new live-in boyfriend... and then got hit on by that same boyfriend. Hit on... hardcore. felt up even. They then proceeded to go out, only for situations such as her going to grab drinks while he slyly felt up my friend's ass. Scary world but things like that happen. My friend didn't wanna tell the girl. I didn't wanna tell the girl... but now, I wake up to see her tell the world on MySpace...that she's marrying this same guy. THIS guy.
Backstory over.
So I'm stuck between, should I or shouldn't I? I'm stuck in a zone of, am I hater, a hopeless romantic, or a good friend?
And I can't help but notice these women that have left me to go off to greener pastures have slightly jaded (or re-jaded for the faithful) me. Sure I'm a free spirit... I'm the stereotypical male, and anyone will tell you I'm a wee bit past cold hearted, but even concrete bears scars. Scars that instead of crumble the wall, they simply make the walls stronger and impervious to further damage. I'm talkin' battle tested. Simultaneously though, I'm learning and living. I'm learning about what kind of women I've been involved with and what kind of guy I'm turning into....I'm turning back into what I tried so hard to change from. For lack of a better terminology: a drinking, shitting, fucking, shell of a human being. I'm not ashamed to go back to either. Is this the effects of "The Constant" wearing off? Where once I used women, now I'm being used...for whatever they're getting from me.
I keep the "girlfriend" at a distance... it's not her fault, but that's the breaks.
So what should I do? Should I tell her? Chances are I will NOT.
And what is to come? Is history going to repeat itself, and I go back to a life of hedonism? Or will I standby for whatever comes walking past? Who knows... maybe she came, or there she goes.
"Sometimes when you look back on a situation, you realize it wasn't all you thought it was. A beautiful girl walked into your life. You fell in love. ...or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe just a brief moment of vanity"
-Henry Bromel 'Northern Exposure' (Season 2: The Big Kiss)
1 comment:
Brother you have to tell her, forget looking like a hater. But this dude is not only scum, but he is living in the closet, infecting others, like you and me with his foolishness. As far as going back to your old self. Remember everyday is a battle, yet each day is the first day of the rest of your live, So take it one day at a time. An addict is always an addict, winning the battle of addiction is saying, I'm not doing this this second... Seconds leads to minutes which leads to hours, which leads to days, you know the rest.
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