Three Minutes [Goes Unpunished]

So this story starts a while back. I'm not particularly sure exactly when... but I believe it was sometime in November last year. I decided to tag along again in one of those weird trips with my friend David, to go see his girlfriend Dominique in Hampton, Virginia where she attends school. Now, the reason I would go on these trips was because I had prior lived Hampton only a couple years before, and I still knew a great deal of people in the area. Especially my friend Vid. David and I are pretty close, so when we would make these trips, it would be in his car which I had a spare key to, and I would roam around catching up with folk and the whole lot while he would lay about cheesingly/romantically with his woman.
I had decided to take a trip to a club on the Newport News/Hampton line called "The Alley". Now, maybe I had way too many of those Hurricanes...(because that's the best drink they can make) and maybe I started the night with that double Three Wisemen. Maybe a random group of girls and I had a couple "Scooby Snacks" but...somehow I walked out of that club, with a girl, and walked over to the McDonald's across the street. When I got back to the car though... I could NOT find the car keys.

The girl had already left and the club was clearing out. I walked back in the club and backtracked my route to the Mickey D's. TWICE. I had been aimlessly drifting along West Mercury Blvd. debating whether to call Dave just for him to run the news past his girl and hear her trap- when this car pulls up and inside is this odd couple (male/ugly woman) who sees me shivering in the cold. They offer me a ride wherever I have to go. Now, I'm hammered and a tad nippy so I roll my eyes skyward and decline. They drive alongside me asking why I'm walking alone down this dark road and blah blah. I decide to tell them that I'm walking to my friend's house because my cop friend locked himself out his car. We're waiting for another cop with a slim jim. They suddenly pull over and tell me I can wait in the car while I'm waiting...or they can give me a ride back to the car with my friend. I say that's fine. I can walk back alone. But I will wait... in the car. (I had already called a tow truck for lockout assistance before they pulled up)
The girl surpisingly sounds mannish and they wanna know how old am I, what's my friend's name, am I from around there and blah blah. After a good three minutes of answering ridiculous semi-weird-stalkerish questions. I got freaked out because it suddenly hit me that I was about to get gang raped. So I jumped out the car and ran like the devil was chasing me. (An hour later, I discovered the key was in my fifth pocket. Damn you, jeans)

Fast forward to four hours ago. I'm in the CVS buying candy and Hot Pockets when there's a strange amalgam of a human being hovering behind me. The self-checkout machine is taking FOREVER. Then another guy comes up and he's like, "OMG! It's YOU! Did Dave ever find those keys? Where did you run to?" I'm like, "Huh?"
"What are you doing in DC?"
"Huh? I'm sorry-" then it hits me, who they are.

And I drop the candy and Hot Pocket and run home.

"A good deed never goes unpunished." -Gore Vidal