A friend of mine is going through something that was eerily similar to a situation that I went through a couple years ago, while I was experimenting with the idea of being in a serious relationship before I was mature enough to do so.
Basically, my girlfriend was getting hit on at her job by her co-worker, (who later turned out to be her ex-boyfriend) and it was "unwanted". She decided to tell me, I suppose to keep me abreast of the situation, (I sincerely hope she didn't think I was going up to her job to fight for her honor. C'mon son. I was making 3x what she does and I ain't fucking my check up for nobody's rottencrotch) I immediately replied that she should tell homeboy that she didn't want his attention and that it made her uncomfortable- then if he persisted, tell her HR rep. At the very least she could just ask her manager to schedule her at different hours than he. At the most, she could have asked my Godmother- who was the regional manager of the job- to let him go. She did nothing.
Oh, well she did one thing.
She continuously kept me updated on her supposed annoyance and failure to do anything. Almost as if... I was one of her girlfriends or something. Now, my situation ended with me eventually realizing that the girl was missing a couple screws and ultimately ignoring her in the relationship sense. I refused to allow her to make me as upset as she claimed she was by this.
Which is funny, because if the roles were reversed, well...
Now- my friend is going through a very similar situation. The only difference is he doesn't have a Godmother that could fire the perpetrator. He only has a girlfriend that thinks she should be entitled to telling him over and over how her supervisor is hitting on her, despite knowing she's involved, because he needs to be supportive of her... which is complete bull. Oh, and unlike my situation, his has been going on for months.
This got me to thinking. Thinking about any man in this situation, or similar ones.
First things first.
Sometimes the saying,
"If you want to talk about the situation, call your girlfriend. If you want the solution, call your boyfriend."
is very true. (Some) Women have a tendency to want to pine over a situation for long periods of time, regardless if she knows what the best course of action would be or not. Most men do not. Faced with a problem, (most) men usually accept the solution and initiate it- whether it's wrong or right.
Now, back to the situation.
She's wrong. There's no other way around thinking about it. (in my opinion.)
In this life, if you do not want to/do not take the steps to correct behaviors or situations you do not like, then you give away, I repeat, YOU GIVE AWAY, your right to complain. I can't get any more straight forward than that. The fact that she has allowed this nonsense to continue for months has provided the perpetrator more than enough leeway to continue to do so without any reason to stop. Without saying something, she is sending the guy mixed signals. Sure, he shouldn't be doing it in the workplace, but like I said- if you don't say anything he doesn't know he's wrong. (Or maybe he does and doesn't give a damn, in which case she needs to go higher than he is.)
However, there are some that may feel that she's not at fault because they whole situation will make her uncomfortable, or have her fearing the loss of her job. All of those feelings are things that you willingly decide are not more important than your level of comfort getting unnecessary attention from your boss if you say nothing. Truth is, with that kind of mindset, your priorities are WAY out of order, if you believe that letting someone continuously harass you (no matter how mild, or aggressive it is- unwanted is unwanted) is okay and you should just deal with it since you want to keep your job.
And what about the boyfriend that you think it's oh SOOO cool to keep him updated on the affairs of your negligence? I suppose at no point he's not supposed to think:
My girlfriend actually likes the boss a bit, and the special attention she receives. If she didn’t she'd be repulsed and would have been reported him from the beginning. She's having her cake and eating it too...
Oh, but he will. He probably has and just hasn't said anything.
Sad thing about these situations is most women learn that lesson too late.
You know, after the boss/co-worker gets really bold and goes too far. But by that time, all your other co-workers are confused at your sudden disgust- which essentially means that she will get blamed for wanting the attention initially.
Instead of complaining to your boyfriend, your girlfriend, WHOEVER- the point remains if you're getting hit on by someone at work, it's unwanted and you feel at anytime that it's not worth losing your job over, then you need to take a good hard look at yourself. Because I'm telling you. Several months is unacceptable, and I personally would start to wonder what his perspective of the story is like.
Think about it.
Basically, my girlfriend was getting hit on at her job by her co-worker, (who later turned out to be her ex-boyfriend) and it was "unwanted". She decided to tell me, I suppose to keep me abreast of the situation, (I sincerely hope she didn't think I was going up to her job to fight for her honor. C'mon son. I was making 3x what she does and I ain't fucking my check up for nobody's rottencrotch) I immediately replied that she should tell homeboy that she didn't want his attention and that it made her uncomfortable- then if he persisted, tell her HR rep. At the very least she could just ask her manager to schedule her at different hours than he. At the most, she could have asked my Godmother- who was the regional manager of the job- to let him go. She did nothing. Oh, well she did one thing.
She continuously kept me updated on her supposed annoyance and failure to do anything. Almost as if... I was one of her girlfriends or something. Now, my situation ended with me eventually realizing that the girl was missing a couple screws and ultimately ignoring her in the relationship sense. I refused to allow her to make me as upset as she claimed she was by this.
Which is funny, because if the roles were reversed, well...
Now- my friend is going through a very similar situation. The only difference is he doesn't have a Godmother that could fire the perpetrator. He only has a girlfriend that thinks she should be entitled to telling him over and over how her supervisor is hitting on her, despite knowing she's involved, because he needs to be supportive of her... which is complete bull. Oh, and unlike my situation, his has been going on for months.
This got me to thinking. Thinking about any man in this situation, or similar ones.
First things first.
Sometimes the saying,
"If you want to talk about the situation, call your girlfriend. If you want the solution, call your boyfriend."
is very true. (Some) Women have a tendency to want to pine over a situation for long periods of time, regardless if she knows what the best course of action would be or not. Most men do not. Faced with a problem, (most) men usually accept the solution and initiate it- whether it's wrong or right.
Now, back to the situation.
She's wrong. There's no other way around thinking about it. (in my opinion.)
In this life, if you do not want to/do not take the steps to correct behaviors or situations you do not like, then you give away, I repeat, YOU GIVE AWAY, your right to complain. I can't get any more straight forward than that. The fact that she has allowed this nonsense to continue for months has provided the perpetrator more than enough leeway to continue to do so without any reason to stop. Without saying something, she is sending the guy mixed signals. Sure, he shouldn't be doing it in the workplace, but like I said- if you don't say anything he doesn't know he's wrong. (Or maybe he does and doesn't give a damn, in which case she needs to go higher than he is.)However, there are some that may feel that she's not at fault because they whole situation will make her uncomfortable, or have her fearing the loss of her job. All of those feelings are things that you willingly decide are not more important than your level of comfort getting unnecessary attention from your boss if you say nothing. Truth is, with that kind of mindset, your priorities are WAY out of order, if you believe that letting someone continuously harass you (no matter how mild, or aggressive it is- unwanted is unwanted) is okay and you should just deal with it since you want to keep your job.
And what about the boyfriend that you think it's oh SOOO cool to keep him updated on the affairs of your negligence? I suppose at no point he's not supposed to think:
My girlfriend actually likes the boss a bit, and the special attention she receives. If she didn’t she'd be repulsed and would have been reported him from the beginning. She's having her cake and eating it too...
Oh, but he will. He probably has and just hasn't said anything.
Sad thing about these situations is most women learn that lesson too late.
You know, after the boss/co-worker gets really bold and goes too far. But by that time, all your other co-workers are confused at your sudden disgust- which essentially means that she will get blamed for wanting the attention initially.
Instead of complaining to your boyfriend, your girlfriend, WHOEVER- the point remains if you're getting hit on by someone at work, it's unwanted and you feel at anytime that it's not worth losing your job over, then you need to take a good hard look at yourself. Because I'm telling you. Several months is unacceptable, and I personally would start to wonder what his perspective of the story is like.Think about it.
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