30 Days, 30 Letters- Day 22: Someone Who Deserves a Second Chance

Hey Mr. A.C.

Yeah this letter is to you because of a certain thing that happened between YOU, JULES, and my CIVIC SI.
Oh, you don't remember?

Let me refresh your memory: PICTURE IT. APRIL 2002.

Menashe threw one of his EPIC house parties that everybody attended regardless of whether we like each other or not. What was really nice about this party was we were BOTH under 21 drinking like madmen with the rest of our sailor brethren.

I should've suspected something was up when I noticed you and Jules were chasing each other around all night pouring beer on each other and wrestling like bear cubs. But I was too busy trying to defuse the situation between Eddie and skank he was dating.
As the party started to thin out, I should've paid more attention to you two giggling at each with beer goggles. It was almost dawn, and Dandu pulled my car up to the side of the house. I had already told you I'd drive you back to the barracks with Dan and me. Now, whether it was Dan or me who put that new Ashanti CD in the disc player , I don't remember... but we'll get back to that later. Since Dan and I have been pretty much like Siamese twins since we met, I waited for him to get out the car, and as he walks up to me- I don't notice that you and Jules are gone.

*LET ME FINISH*

Jules' scandalous little friend Alaina calls me and Dan inside with her to tell us something. She's totally using the fact that she's a 7 and we're hammered and it's the crack of dawn... I mean even the host is passed out on his living room floor. I don't notice her pour a cup of ice water... maybe because she's pretending to pour Gin into the cup when reach the kitchen. She begins taunting me about my manhood, and blah blah as Dandu- my silent guardian watches on. Then taking FULL advantage of my Marty McFly complex, she pours me a full cup of Seagram's and dares me to down it, which I do. Twice. As she's pouring cup #3, Dandu finally utters the magic words.

"Yo, where's A---- ? I left your car on in the street."

I snap awake, and we race outside worrying that my new Civic is stolen, or worse.
the rest happens in slow motion. We hear Ashanti's "Rescue" playing loud as hell on the road beside the house, and as we turn the corner there you are... NAILING JULES MISSIONARY ON THE HOOD OF MY CAR. I sprint towards you screaming your name, and you jump up as if awaking from a dream, and skeet all over Jules, and the hood of my car.

THEN, you take off with the girls, and I've got your spooge all over my NEW whip. I had to drive home with that shit sliming all over my windshield in the wind. SOME got on my hand!

The worst part of this entire story was NOBODY believed me, because you were "Mr. Goody Two Shoes" and I was the asshole trouble maker. But I drove you home that one Christmas break. I KNOW you're a dirtbag. I've seen your scandalous ways. However, I guess I can forgive you if you can only FINALLY come clean.

-Tesco

P.S. I still cannot listen to that song without thinking about you spraying all over the place. I literally cringe as son as I hear the opening chords.