I've often joked that I have the Seinfeld Dating Curse. That being the repetitive nature of dumping someone you're dating over a superficial flaw. (i.e. 'man hands', 'she ate her peas one at a time', 'her belly button talked' ...yada, yada, yada-See what I did there?)When in reality it's not me at all... it's a lot of you. The quagmire I currently find myself in was fired from the same cannon of bullshit that I've actually heard my friends say, or write about.
Ya'll are killing me these days with these dealbreakers. Seriously. If you got more than five reasons not to be with anyone then you need to just face the music and get comfortable with your hands. You're turning down great opportunities with people, and focusing on shallow, superficial shit. The funny thing is, the reason you're doing it. Whether you want to admit it or not, it's because you believe that your absolutely perfect, complies with all your batshit crazy really stupid nonsense, angel- handpicked by God himself- is on their way into your life, and will be here soon, as long as you don't settle. Because let's face it. Your girlie mags and subliminal messages in movies told you settling was another form of giving up, right?I said it before, and I stand by it:
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE ONE.
(Unless, you are currently plugged into a system in which your reality as you perceive it is actually a simulated reality created by sentient machines to pacify and subdue the human population, while your body's heat and electrical activity are used as an energy source.)
You want to be in a long term relationship?
Understand this basic fundamental rule.
You cannot settle down until you learn how to settle for.
You have to learn to put up with things. This is probably why the phrase 'patience is a virtue' has lasted so long. There are no 100% good things in life. Your new Benz is fly, but those maintenance fees are a bitch. Your bank account is very impressive, but what did you have to put up with to get it there? Etc. etc. ...etc.
Flaws.Everyone has them shits. What are yours? The flaws you should be concerned about are fixable. Your boy of interest pisses with the door open? Tell him to close the fucking door. She eats in bed? Tell her go the fucking kitchen. This whole give and take is similar to buying that new Benz, or catching a train. You gotta pay the fare if you wanna ride the ride.
What YOU have to do is understand what you can put up with, and what you can't put up with. Honestly, you should be able to count on ONE hand all of your "dealbreakers." Dealbreakers can be things like, "she may be a closet racist." "He is in $40,000 of debt" Dealbreakers can not be superficial bullshit like, "Oh, I hate the way you dress." Because if a shallow reason is why you aren't with someone then the problem clearly is YOU.
Deal with it. There is NO perfect person out there for you. Not for anyone. No soul mate. No person born and raised for you and you alone. All of these. Lies. LIIIIIIIEEEEES.
Allow me to show you how society has screwed itself.You can sit there and tell yourself that blatant lie, (which is kinda beautiful in its Santa Claus, Easter Bunny way) but the reality is, it's a myth. What do we know about myths? Well one, they're built on a bunch of lies, and sometimes there's one atom of truth involved. If you look up Myth, the definition you will get is, an unproved or false collective belief that is used to justify a social institution. I can't think of any better word to describe the belief in soul mates, the belief that two people are perfect for one another. Every long term relationship you've ever heard of is a myth that two people tell others, and it trickles down the grapevine the way myths often do. You're probably shaking your head now, calling me all sorts of names- but I'm serious. All of the best relationships I've ever witnessed, (and I've witnessed a LOT) are built on lies and deceit.
Well what lies and deceit you ask? I'll tell ya.
People in perfect or even really good relationships almost never tell you the whole story. They only tell their best, or their really good. Never the absolute shitty stuff that they had to get over.
The beauty of the long term relationship is every day you get to pretend that your significant other is really that idealized lie you met at first, instead of the actual 'man behind the curtain' that you're actually with. You'll know the truth, that Prince Charming is really just an okay looking guy, who's sweet and honest, but has the disgusting habit of pissing with the door open. The fact that you know this about them, and they know the truth about you- forces you to be a better person.Forces you to become the you you pretended to be originally, in turn making your lie self true. (If you're smart.)
Because honestly, if you stick around long enough to embrace the better qualities of a person you won't see the eating in bed, the wearing of tube socks with dress pants... the 'yada yada yada'Remember: No two people want the same thing. No two people are perfectly sexually compatible. It's way too many possibilities and thoughts out there to have such a naive concept be true. If you cannot reconcile with that, then you will continuously be recycled through the lineup. You will forever be plagued with trysts and short lived relationships that are really glorified hook-ups. I guarantee that.
If you forsake a promising opportunity over something stupid, and superficial, or you are waiting for Mr./Mrs Perfect and Right, it will ALWAYS be your fault- Never theirs. I guarantee that too.
Be smart.
The only way to become the one is if someone is willing to pretend you are the one. (and vice versa) That's just the way it is.
"I present myself to you in a form suitable to be in the relationship I wish to achieve with you.” -Luigi Pirandello
(The last three photos are from the 2004 film, Alfie. Check it out.)
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